Are we victimizing ourselves?

Some believe that people create their own trouble by attracting the wrong
conditions and people in their lives. This may not be entirely
true, but we can find that some element of it was at work with us.
Time and time again during our drinking, we set ourselves up for abuse
and rejection, though our motives seemed right.

Why did we do this? Supposedly to punish ourselves, the theory has it.
If this is true, then we should now call a halt to the process
immediately. If we've emerged from the terrors of alcoholism, we've had
all the punishment anybody needs.

We can change our bad patterns by looking carefully at the people and situations
we seem to attract.

Rejected

"Last night I asked for help, but the person couldn't give it to me. Tonight I'm not going to ask because I'll be refused." Poor us! One person has rejected us, so now we've got the whole world rejecting us. We believe if one person lets us down, everyone else will too.

Such thinking, as negative as it is, can provide safety. If we believe we can't trust anymore, then we won't. But there won't be any growth in this kind of safety. By condemning everyone, we won't see those who want to help.

Be not afraid of life

 

Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
--William James

Many of us learned as children that rejection and abandonment are part and parcel of being alive. We are so used to feeling as though things won't work out, that fear - like a shadow - is always lurking behind us. Usually there's something specific to be afraid of - that we won't have enough money to pay our bills, someone we love will die, or our children won't do well in school. And always there's the generalized fear that events will overwhelm us in spite of our best efforts.