These 2 steps are the shortest steps in the big book.
When I first did step work I hadn't a clue what charactor defects were. How could I ? no one ever told me about them , they just said I was selfish, self-centered, dishonest, etc. I just thought I was drinking to much, that the people in my life just wanted to me to stop drinking OK i did that when i came back in the rooms in 1999 . I was fortunate that the desire to drink left me pretty quick but then my sponsor said i needed to stop acting out. Hmm, well define that please....but see I didn't ask questions i went to meetings and listend as best i could in the early days, that's about all i was capable of doing. As as time went on and my second sponsor took me threw the steps, she told me what my
defects of character were. She also handed me a piece of paper with a list and said there are you're defects ,now do step 7! Like HOW was i to do that? I really didn't understand the whole HP concept, so how can I let HP have these so called defects of character? I knew i had one ( HP) but giving my defects to him when i really didn't know them ,except what this paper said. Well i wanted to understand them better ,so when we were done...as she put it , and continued to point out MY DEFECTS I saw hers and yours but still really didn't see mine.
Well i finally did learn what they were ( slow learner, progress not perfection lol) I also had a couple people in my life over this time who helped me and i also was one to look things up online by now. But the thing was , i wasn't ready or WILLING to give them up . I wanted to do what i wanted to do still and that was act out! I mean I was sober and wasn't hurting any one, so i thought. In my 6th year , I FINALLY saw how my defects were hurting others. How my actions were hurting others and myself. I didn't like who i was and i almost picked up a drink .... isnt that what we do when we cant deal? drink?
WELL I used what i knew and told on myself!! I DIDN'T WANT TO DRINK!! I wanted to change and that is what these steps are to me, life changing. To help me look at myself and that's what step 4 threw 6 did. I got another sponsor and she took me threw and I finally SAW my defects in step 4 and listened to them in step 5 and by step 6 I was WILLING as that's what Step 6 is, a willingness and then in Step 7 , I was FINALLY ready to Let God have ALL my defects of character now that's doesn't mean POOF they r gone. I wish lol This is where the action comes in I had to work on not acting on them.
One I was already a lot better at was my mouth (swearing) another was stop looking to others for my happiness!!
These are some I knew i really had to work on, insecurity,being judgmental, argumentative , blaming others , cheating, closed-mindedness,self-centered, selfishness, etc. I had to work on not being this person and by doing that I just asked my HP, who I choose to call God ,to help me. I said the 3rd Step prayer and 7th Step prayer. I am human and do t end too forget and it is OK. I just try harder , progress not perfection. My main thing is first not to pick up a drink, then not to hurt others and to be the best person I can be today !
Thanks for taking the time to read this. ♥ds13099
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