A boy once asked his grandfather how he had become so happy and successful in his life. "Right decisions," replied his grandfather. The boy thought for a while and then asked a second question, "But how do you learn to make right decisions?" The grandfather answered quickly with a twinkle in his eye, "Wrong decisions!"
We, too, will learn from our "wrong decisions," our mistakes. Whenever we try anything, there is always the possibility of failure. We must learn to not let this keep us from trying. When we are willing to try, we have already conquered our fear. We can grow no matter what the outcome is.
What failure have I turned into success?
It is often with some difficulty that we come to understand our need for personal boundaries. We also have to struggle to maintain them once they’re defined. Our boundaries are blurred when our desire to be loved and needed by others seduces us into becoming overly involved in their lives. Or when we find ourselves overly committed with tasks and social engagements—even ones we enjoy. We must remember we need time alone, time for the stillness within to nurture us.
Until we detach from the person or the situation that is drawing us in, we can have no objectivity. We also lose our sense of God’s role in our life when our boundaries are blurred. God gives us our direction, our definition, our vision, and our understanding whenever we ask.
I will take time with my Higher Power today to remember my boundaries.
Fear is at the core of codependency. It can motivate us to control situations or neglect ourselves.
Many of us have been afraid for so long that we don’t label our feelings fear. We’re used to feeling upset and anxious. It feels normal. Peace and serenity may be uncomfortable.
At
one time, fear may have been appropriate and useful. We may have relied
on fear to protect ourselves, much the way soldiers in a war rely on
fear to help them survive. But now, in recovery, we’re living life
differently.
When we first hear that sponsors are helped even more than sponsees when help is sought, we don’t believe it. Sponsors run good programs, or we wouldn’t have asked them to sponsor us. What we don’t understand until that time when someone seeks us out is that our program stays fresh only if we give it away to other people. This means that the more we share our own experiences, strengths, and hopes, the healthier we become.
Our
growth is up to us. We will continue getting healthier and happier as
long as we stay committed to sharing the program message. But we will
have occasional “slips,” times when we fail to use the tools we thought
we had mastered. Sponsorship comes in very handy then. Telling a sponsee
what has worked for us helps us see how we have let the tool slip from
our hands and allows us to rediscover it for ourselves.
~Elbert Hubbard
Bill W. knew this when he felt a relapse coming on in Akron. He looked for an alcoholic to help. He found Dr. Bob. The rest is history.
Recovery is a “we” deal. We are in this with other people. We can’t save ourselves and forget about others; most of us have tried that many times. We change our lives by taking each thing as it comes and handling it in a new, healthy way with the help and advice of our friends. The key is to call upon and use our sponsors, rely on our groups. When we need help, we know where to go to get it. But here’s the other part: when our recovering friends need help, to whom do they come? To us. We are part of their support group. We need to be there for others and serve as a sponsor for others.
