Yes, But

Sometimes I turn my back on the sunlight of the spirit

Twelve Step programs give us guidance, but we're told, understanding is not really very important -- "It works if you work it." I believe this, but (perversely) I'd still like to understand it.

Meetings, literature, and dialog with members provided me with information, useful truth, and specific actions. All I had to do was pay attention and the way to a better life was soon clear. It wasn't hard to get the right stuff into my head. However ...

I got it up here (point to head), but it just wasn't right here yet (fist to heart).

Anger

Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the cruelest words.
  —Joyce Brothers

Anger is familiar to us all. We feel it toward others and from others. The expression and acceptance of anger is where we often falter. Most of us were told when we were small girls that we shouldn't be angry, but we were. And we are, even yet. However, we often still feel like a little girl when it comes to angry feelings.

We need to accept our anger and learn to express it, honestly, openly and assertively, not aggressively. We can't afford to hang onto anger. It grows and then festers and then boils.

Each day is a day of progress

Thought for the Day

Since I've been in A.A., have I made a start towards being more unselfish? Do I no longer want my own way in everything? When things go wrong and I can't have what I want, do I no longer sulk? Am I trying not to waste money on myself? And does it make me happy to see my family and my home have enough attention from me? Am I trying not to be all get and no give?

Meditation for the Day

HOPE

Do not be discouraged.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60

Few experiences are of less value to me than fast sobriety. Too
many times discouragement has been the bonus for unrealistic
expectations, not to mention self-pity or fatigue from my wanting to
change the world by the weekend. Discouragement is a warning
signal that I may have wandered across the God line. The secret of
fulfilling my potential is in acknowledging my limitations and believing
that time is a gift, not a threat.

Gentleness

There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness.
—Han Suyin

It may take a while to learn to be gentle with ourselves. We have long standing patterns of abusing and shaming ourselves. Maybe we became this way because we were victims. Now it's easier to attack ourselves for mistakes we've made than to be accountable and make amends. We think we deserve to be rejected if we let our friends know our deepest secrets.

Balance

Seek balance.

Balance emotions with reason.

Combine detachment with doing our part.

Balance giving with receiving.

Alternate work with play, business with personal activities.

Balance tending to our spiritual needs with tending to our other needs.

Juggle responsibilities to others with responsibilities to ourselves.

Balance caring about others with caring about ourselves.

Whenever possible, let's be good to others, but be good to ourselves too.

Some of us have to make up for lost time.

Today, I will strive for balance.

Change our way of life.

A A

Thought for the Day
When you come into an A.A. meeting, you're not just coming into a meeting, you're coming into a new life. I'm always impressed by the change I see in people after they've been in A.A. for a while. I sometimes take an inventory of myself, to see whether I have changed, and if so, in what way. Before I met A.A., I was very selfish. I wanted my own way in everything. I don't believe I ever grew up. When things went wrong, I sulked like a spoiled child and often went out and got drunk. Am I still all get and no give?

Meditation for the Day

Changes

The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty: not knowing what comes next. --Ursula LeGuin

The world around us changes constantly. Trees turn from green to beautiful shades of yellow, orange, and brown in the fall. Yet, even if we watched the trees carefully, every minute of the day, we could not actually see the colors change. Change requires time, preparation, and patience.

The Waltz

Is there a rhythm to recovery?

Twelve Step recovery is lived in three-quarter time -- one-two-three, one-two-three; over and over again.

It starts when I realize I am making my life unmanageable, trying to control something over which I am powerless -- that's one. Then, I find faith that my Higher Power can help -- that's two. And finally, I decide to trust -- one, two three.

Powerlessness, faith, trust -- the beat of the first three Steps. That's the waltz: one-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three.

Then I do it all over again with something new or, more embarrassing, just the same old thing.

The pain of change is a reality

On occasion I realize it's easier to say the serenity prayer and take that leap of faith than it is to continue doing what I'm doing.
  —S.H.

The pain of change is a reality. But so is the pain of no change - when change is called for. In spite of our desires, changing others will never be an option, whereas changing ourselves takes only a decision and is a choice always available.

Flack from Setting Boundaries

We need to know how far we'll go, and how far we'll allow others to go with us. Once we understand this, we can go anywhere.
—Beyond Codependency

When we own our power to take care of ourselves - set a boundary, say no, and change an old pattern - we may get flack from some people. That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.

We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don't have to expect them not to react either.

Step Three

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

~ Step Three ~

A prayer is a humble and heartfelt communication with a power greater than yourself. A prayer can admit a weak-ness, communicate a need, or convey praise and gratitude. Prayers can unburden your heart, give you strength and courage, and deepen your faith and trust in a Higher Power. Use the following prayer as you work on your understanding and acceptance of Step Three.
Step Three Prayer

Recovery is an intensely spiritual process that asks us to grow in our understanding of God. ~ Melody Beattie ~
God isn’t defined for us in any Twelve Step program. We have the freedom to create any image that pleases us. The shaming God of our youth can be gone. Instead we can call upon a Higher Power for guidance in handling the changing circumstances of our lives. Listening to other women in our group share their beliefs about God makes us aware of how valuable the guidance will be.

A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

Now that we’re free and no longer chemically-dependent, we have so much more control over our thinking. More than anything, we’re able to alter our attitudes. Some members of Alcoholics Anonymous, in fact, choose to think of the letters AA as an abbreviation for “Altered Attitudes.” In the bad old days, I almost always responded to any optimistic or positive statement with “Yes, but…” Today, in contrast, I’m learning to eliminate that negative phrase from my vocabulary. Am I working to change my attitude? Am I determined to “accentuate the positive…”?

But by the grace of God, there go

In early sobriety, I sometimes had trouble identifying with other people’s alcoholism, and often wondered whether I belonged. After all, I had never been to prison for manslaughter while driving drunk. I never robbed a liquor store in a blackout, or woke up in a different state – or country – not know how I had gotten there. There were countless other things that had never happened to me either. As I discussed this with my sponsor, he said I hadn’t experienced these things – yet.

As I started working the Steps and writing inventories,

You can take it

You can take disappointment and channel it into determination. You can take criticism and use it to change weakness into strength.

You can take a difficult problem and find the positive opportunities in it. You can take an idea and develop it into a valuable advantage.

You can take what doesn’t work and figure out how to improve it so it works well. You can take what does work on a small scale and expand it into new and larger endeavors.

Progress Making Me

This is not a self-help program

I often discover that I feel, believe, assume, predict, or remember something entirely unnecessary, useless, or false. Just junk in my mind's basement. And, like a broken toaster my mental junk can be dangerous.

My spiritual path involves doing things that are novel and sometimes uncomfortable, things I often don't much want to do.

Challenges we must face

Let no one be deluded that a knowledge of the path can substitute for putting one foot in front of the other.
—M. C. Richards

Recovering men (women) know this path is not always easy. We usually talk about the benefits of recovery and the many promises of the program. Today, in our fellowship, we talk of the challenges we must face in order to recover. Honesty may be the greatest challenge. It is frightening to be honest with ourselves about things we have never really admitted or faced before.

Letting Go of Being a Victim

It's okay to have a good day. Really.

It's okay to be doing okay and to feel like our life is manageable and on track.

Many of us have learned, as part of our survival behaviors, that the way to get the attention and approval we want is to be victims. If life is awful, too difficult, unmanageable, too hard, unfair, then others will accept, like, and approve of us, we think.

We may have learned this from living and associating with people who also learned to survive by being a victim.

Spiritual need

Thought for the Day

We're all looking for the power to overcome drinking. When we alcoholics come into A.A., our first question is: "How do I get the strength to quit?" At first it seems to us that we will never get the necessary strength. We see older members who have found the power we are looking for, but we don't know the process by which they got it. This necessary strength comes in many ways. Have I found all the strength I need?

Meditation for the Day

Power

"Alcohol was only a symptom of much deeper problems of dishonesty and denial. Now it was a matter of coming to grips with a Power greater than myself. That was very hard for me. How could all these white people even begin to think they could understand me? So they brought a sober Indian woman up to work with me for a day.

PRAYER: IT WORKS

It has been well said that "almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough."
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 97

Having grown up in an agnostic household, I felt somewhat foolish when I first tried praying. I knew there was a Higher Power working in my life - how else was I staying sober? - but I certainly wasn't convinced he/she/it wanted to hear my prayers.

Grow in our understanding of God.

Recovery is an intensely spiritual process that asks us to grow in our understanding of God.
~ Melody Beattie ~


God isn’t defined for us in any Twelve Step program. We have the freedom to create any image that pleases us. The shaming God of our youth can be gone. Instead we can call upon a Higher Power for guidance in handling the changing circumstances of our lives. Listening to other women/men in our group share their beliefs about God makes us aware of how valuable the guidance will be.

Depression feeds on itself

Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression.
  —Dodie Smith

Depression feeds on itself. With attention it worsens, but there are places for our attention. We can move our focus to a woman/men who is close by, a woman/man who is struggling to determine her/his direction in life. We can offer our ears. Or we can observe attentively, today, all the women, children, and men we see on the streets. When we notice their expressions, we realize they, too, may be suffering.

First come into A.A

Thought for the Day

When we alcoholics first come into A.A. and we face the fact that we must spend the rest of our life without liquor, it often seems like an impossibility to us. So A.A. tells us to forget about the future and take it one day at a time. All we really have is now. We have no past time and no future time. As the saying goes: "Yesterday is gone, for get it; tomorrow never comes, don't worry; today is here, get busy." All we have is the present. The past is gone forever and the future never comes. When tomorrow gets here, it will be today. Am I living one day at a time?

Meditation for the Day

What makes the AA program work

A.A. Thought for the Day

People often ask what makes the AA program work. One of the answers is that AA works because it gets us away from ourselves as the center of the universe. And it teaches us to rely more on the fellowship of others and on strength from God. Are these things keeping me sober?

Meditation for the Day

Meditation

Who's watching?

My mind jumps from one topic to another every few seconds. Some of the topics hook memories and bring on new topics. Some hook emotions and change my mood. If I pay attention to what's going on in my mind, it's like some wacko has grabbed the remote and flips the channels too fast to catch up with the action. 

I understand that this is perfectly normal.

The coolest thing about actually watching this restless switching, is to ask, "Who is doing the watching?" 

I Know Crazy When I See It

Step One precedes Step Two

Do crazy people know they're crazy? Schizophrenics usually say it depends on how sick they are -- their experience helps me understand why I was told "The Steps are in order for a reason."

Like all stairs, the Twelve Steps start at the bottom.

No matter how the bottom comes, I must admit that my life has become unmanageable before I can realistically expect to fix it. I need at least that little window into my own craziness.

We get here different ways. Some of us experience a "moment of clarity." Sometimes a loved one or a group of loved ones finally convinces us. Sometimes we just stumble into a situation that gobsmacks us (like the civilian who goes to a meeting just as a friend and hears his own story).

However my journey starts, I have to understand the line between sanity and the other thing, and to understand which side I'm on.

After years of denial, getting some clarity about my craziness seemed such a startling insight that I wanted to apply it everywhere! I wanted to enlighten every codependent and every alcoholic, addict, or otherwise sick person I knew, met, or even heard about.

They were sick and they needed to admit it.

Talk about crazy!

Bill W. on "BALANCE

The following excerpts from a letter of Bill Wilson's was quoted in the memoirs of Tom Pike, and early California AA member.  Tom did not use the name of the person addressed -- perhaps because he was still living.

Tom said:
Here in part is what Bill Wilson wrote in 1958 to a close friend who shared his problem with depression, describing how Bill himself used St. Francis's prayer as a steppingstone toward recovery:

Dear ...
I think that many oldsters who have put our AA "booze cure" to severe but successful tests still find they often lack emotional sobriety. Perhaps they will be the spearhead for the next major development in AA ...

Positive Energy

It's so easy to look around and notice what's wrong.

It takes practice to see what's right.

Many of us have lived around negativity for years. We've become skilled at labeling what's wrong with other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, our conduct, our recovery, and ourselves.

We want to be realistic, and our goal is to identify and accept reality. However, this is often not our intent when we practice negativity. The purpose of negativity is usually annihilation.

Time

Victory is won not in miles but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later win a little more.
—Louis L'Amour

How much fuller each day feels when we can be patient and accept the inches we have progressed. Yet, we are aware of large problems which require miles of progress. We may want others in our lives to change quickly, we may be impatient with a work situation, or we may feel angry about an addiction.

People need joy

People need joy quite as much as clothing. Some of them need it far more.
  —Margaret Collier Graham

Life is not without pain and travail. They are necessary to new awareness which prompts growth. And the gift of growth is joy. Pain and joy are thus intertwined. It is possible to feel only the burden of pain and not the exhilaration of joy, however.

Before seeking help to change our lives, many of us were heavily burdened by pain. But we were unable to open ourselves to the knowledge made possible by that pain.

Clarity and direction

In spite of our best efforts to work our programs and lean on God's guidance, we sometimes don't understand what's going on in our life. We trust, wait, pray, listen to people, listen to ourselves, and the answer still does not come.

During those times, we need to understand that we are right where we need to be, even though that place may feel awkward and uncomfortable. Our life does have purpose and direction.

Different

I never dreamed of so much happiness when I was the ugly duckling.
—Hans Christian Andersen

The ugly duckling was not really ugly at all, he was just different. The other ducks teased and pecked and even bit him until the ugly duckling flew away. He wandered around for a year, and was treated as an outcast everywhere. In the spring, he saw a group of swans on a lake, and wanted very much to join them.

Powerlessness

Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

"Isn't it true that in all matters touching upon alcohol, each of them has decided to turn his or her life over to the care, protection, and guidance of Alcoholics Anonymous? Already a willingness has been achieved to cast out one's own will and one's own ideas about the alcohol problem in favor of those suggested by A.A. A willing newcomer feels sure A.A. is the only safe harbor for the foundering vessel he has become. Now if this is not turning one's will and life over to a newfound Providence, then what is it?"


Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pg. 35

Sharing

In our fellowship, we share our troubles and we share our joys - our faults as well as our assets. We will be accepted and understood, because we are with people who are like us. We may seem very different on the surface, but underneath we are all amazingly alike.

Someone has said, "I can only know that much of myself which I have had the courage to confide to you." As we reveal ourselves to others, they act as mirrors so that we may see and understand who we are.

I look to God for the gift of inspiration

The influence of a beautiful, helpful, hopeful character is contagious, and may revolutionize a whole town.
  —Eleanor H. Porter

We have met certain people who inspired laughter, hope, or changes in us, or those close to us. We look forward to seeing them. We leave their presence believing in ourselves, aware that we can tackle whatever problems had us immobilized. That special gift to inspire is ours for the taking, too. The inspiration comes from God.

Letting Go of Confusion

Sometimes, the way is not clear.

Our minds get clouded, confused. We aren't certain what our next step should be, what it will look like, what direction we are headed.

This is the time to stop, ask for guidance, and rest. That is the time to let go of fear. Wait. Feel the confusion and chaos, and then let it go. The path will show itself. The next step shall be revealed. We don't have to know now. We will know in time. Trust that. Let go and trust.

Today, I will wait if the way is not clear. I will trust that out of the chaos will come clarity.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

We must.....

We must go to A.A. meetings regularly. We must learn to think differently. We must change from alcoholic thinking to sober thinking. We must reeducate our minds. We must try to help other alcoholics. We must cooperate with God by spending at least as much time and energy on the A.A. program as we did on drinking. We must follow the A.A. program to the best of our ability. Have I turned my alcoholic problem over to God and am I cooperating with Him?

Meditation for the Day

Growing in Sobriety

Having surrendered our lives to God and put our drink problem in His hands doesn't mean that we'll never be tempted to drink. So we must build up strength for the time when temptation will come. In this quiet time, we read and pray and get our minds in the right mood for the day. Starting the day right is a great help in keeping sober. As the days go by and we get used to the sober life, it gets easier and easier. We begin to develop a deep gratitude to God for saving us from that old life. And we begin to enjoy peace and serenity and quiet happiness. Am I trying to live the way God wants me to live?

Meditation for the Day

Take action for my recovery

I am only one, but still I am one.
I cannot do everything, but still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
--Edward Everett Hale

We once heard someone say, "Knowing doesn't keep you sober, doing does." We got the point. Our actions, not strictly our knowledge, will help us stay sober. Recovery is a program of action, of doing something that will contribute to our recovery today.

What a strange pattern the shuttle of life can weave

  —Frances Marion

Each experience we have plays its part in the total picture of our lives. The steps we have taken, the path we travel today, and our direction tomorrow are not by chance. There is a pattern. We each have a destiny. We may have veered off the path in the past, and we may veer off it again. But we'll be guided back, and our paths intersect. None of us is traveling alone. We have each other and the creative force that is at the helm.

Changes

The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty: not knowing what comes next.
—Ursula LeGuin

The world around us changes constantly. Trees turn from green to beautiful shades of yellow, orange, and brown in the fall. Yet, even if we watched the trees carefully, every minute of the day, we could not actually see the colors change. Change requires time, preparation, and patience.