THE 100% STEP

Long before I was able to obtain sobriety in A.A., I knew without a doubt that alcohol was killing me, yet even with this knowledge, I was unable to stop drinking. So, when faced with Step One, I found it easy to admit that I lacked the power to not drink. But was my life unmanageable? Never! Five months after coming into A.A., I was drinking again and wondered why.

STEP 1 …foundation

It meant destruction of self-centeredness. (14: 1) STEP 1 …foundation… (12: 4)

Like Bill, we are alcoholics, and we have to hit bottom. The problem is our mental that leads us to take a drink, and our resulting physical compulsion to drink to excess. Our minds and lives are unmanageable; we must surrender. Working Step 1 begins when we become abstinent. We have to stop our personal addictive alcoholic behaviors so that our continued acting out does not hinder our surrender. If we are not drinking today, then we must abstain from that particular addictive thought or behavior that robs us of peace of mind.

This is a disease of isolation and loneliness. We are prisoners of our self-sufficiency, isolated inside. We admit we need to grow and that we are not free. We are people who appear to be sure of themselves but are actually eaten alive with fear inside. (193: 2) If anxiety is the existential basis of our addiction, then we must alter our fear, remorse, shame and guilt in order to find happiness so that we do not have to go back to drinking.

"You are accepted!" ... accepted by that which is greater than you and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask the name now, perhaps you will know it later. Do not try to do anything; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything, do not perform anything, and do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact you are accepted.
  —Paul Tillich

New possibilities opened up when we accepted our powerlessness. These possibilities came to us from beyond ourselves.

Sudden obstacles

In the face of an obstacle, which is impossible to overcome, stubbornness is stupid.
  —Simone de Beauvoir

Sudden obstacles, barriers in the way of our progress, doors that unexpectedly close, may confuse, frustrate, and even depress us. The knowledge that we seldom understand just what is best for us comes slowly. And we generally fight it, even after we've begun to understand. Fortunately, the better path will keep drawing us to it.

We may wonder why a door seems to have closed. Our paths are confounded only when our steps have gone astray. Doors do not close unless a new direction is called for. We must learn to trust that no obstacle is without its purpose, however baffling it may seem.

The Waltz

Is there a rhythm to recovery?

Twelve Step recovery is lived in three-quarter time -- one-two-three, one-two-three; over and over again.

It starts when I realize I am making my life unmanageable, trying to control something over which I am powerless -- that's one. Then, I find faith that my Higher Power can help -- that's two. And finally, I decide to trust -- one, two three.

Powerlessness, faith, trust -- the beat of the first three Steps. That's the waltz: one-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three.

Then I do it all over again with something new or, more embarrassing, just the same old thing.

I Know Crazy When I See It

Step One precedes Step Two

Do crazy people know they're crazy? Schizophrenics usually say it depends on how sick they are -- their experience helps me understand why I was told "The Steps are in order for a reason."

Like all stairs, the Twelve Steps start at the bottom.

No matter how the bottom comes, I must admit that my life has become unmanageable before I can realistically expect to fix it. I need at least that little window into my own craziness.

We get here different ways. Some of us experience a "moment of clarity." Sometimes a loved one or a group of loved ones finally convinces us. Sometimes we just stumble into a situation that gobsmacks us (like the civilian who goes to a meeting just as a friend and hears his own story).

However my journey starts, I have to understand the line between sanity and the other thing, and to understand which side I'm on.

After years of denial, getting some clarity about my craziness seemed such a startling insight that I wanted to apply it everywhere! I wanted to enlighten every codependent and every alcoholic, addict, or otherwise sick person I knew, met, or even heard about.

They were sick and they needed to admit it.

Talk about crazy!

A Brief Survey of the First Step

Sometimes the First Step is the Hardest Step to Take

Step One:  We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction — that our lives had become unmanageable.

The First Step is always the hardest . . .

It is said that the First Step is the most important of all because it is only when it has been accepted as true for the individual that recovery may begin.  Drawing on the wisdom of recovery literature, this article will provide a general overview of the First Step.

To Admit or Not to Admit