Recovery is teaching us to think

He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

Recovery is teaching us to think situations through to the end before we act. In the past, we often reacted first and thought later. Unable to wait out the pain, we tried to “fix” our problems by artificial means: drugs, alcohol, food, sex, excitement. Our only goal was to escape and get relief from the ups and downs of life. Rushing from one situation to another, we seldom slowed down enough to relax and really think through the consequences of our actions.

BOREDOM

Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?
Nietzsche

Boredom is a form of conceit. When we are bored we are saying, “Okay, life, you are not doing your job of keeping me entertained.” To think that life, or those around us, or the world itself is here primarily to keep us amused and entertained is “stinking thinking.”

Move Gently into Forgiveness

“I never knew how much I blamed and hated myself. I never knew how much shame and self-contempt I picked up from situations I’d been through until I really forgave myself and felt how that feels,” one woman said to me.

Loving yourself, forgiving yourself, accepting yourself– all of these feel different from judging yourself. Many of us have lived with so much judgement of ourselves that we take these feelings for granted. We just think that’s how we’re doomed to feel. Until we do forgive ourselves, we don’t realize how much we need to, and how good, how great, how absolutely terrific that feels.

Happiness is something we all deserve

I believe that a sign of maturity is accepting deferred gratification.
  —Peggy Cahn

It's okay to want to feel good all the time. Happiness is something we all deserve. However, there are often preparatory steps we need to take, a number of which will not bring joy, before we arrive at a place of sustained happiness.

The level of our pain at any particular moment has prompted us to seek short-term highs. And with each attempt at a quick "fix," we will be reminded that, just as with our many former attempts, the high is very short-term.

Stopping Victimization

Stopping Victimization

Before recovery, many of us lacked a frame of reference with which to name the victimization and abuse in our life. We may have thought it was normal that people mistreated us. We may have believed we deserved mistreatment; we may have been attracted to people who mistreated us.

We need to let go, on a deep level, of our need to be victimized and to be victims. We need to let go of our need to be in dysfunctional relationships and systems at work, in love, in family relationships, in friendships. We deserve better. We deserve much better. It is our right. When we believe in our right to happiness, we will have happiness.