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Donna S grateful alcoholic from NJ
When I got to this part of the 4th step I was like, I KNOW THIS,
I LIVE IN IT.
Fear froze me for a very long time and drinking helped me to not have fear
so it was a reason to drink, as I can do anything with a drink.
I was in so much fear I couldn't talk to people with out a drink.
I couldn't walk the dog with out a drink or go to the park with my kids with
out a 6 pack and bottle of J.D. and then I was miss chatty,OVER CHATTY
Over time we stopped going out as I couldn't handle my drinking. I would be brought home by the police, which wasn't good as we were in politics in town.
So I drank at home, only going out to go to get my beer and J.D.
So, when I finally came back in the rooms this time, and when I did this part of the 4th Step, I was told to write out ALL my fears. Man, I had a lot. I took my time so I got them all and then I was told to list them from where they came from. Childhood , Adolescence , or Adult. Most came from my childhood and adolescence. Writing them on paper, made me see them and where they came from.
I was told to try and trust HP and pray for the willingness for the courage, to walk through the fears one by one, which took time. It came also with the other Steps that followed that I was able to get past them. I had to do the action part and face them ... one was speaking at a rehab commitment ( fear of people) another one was asking hubby if I could go visit someone outta state ( fear of rejection) and so on.
Writing them out and looking at them was the first step of freedom from fear.
I was willing and I was ready to work on and to let them go and little by little I was able to cross them off the paper.
ds 1/30/99
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