It may be that
problem drinking is, indeed, as some psychological experts say, an ailment
characterized especially by egocentricity. Not all alcoholics are egotistical,
although many of us have learned to see that tendency in ourselves. Others of us
felt inferior most of the time; we felt equal or
superior to other people only when drinking.
No matter which
type we were, we realize now that we were excessively self-centered, chiefly
concerned about our feelings,
It often seems ludicrous to believe that every situation involving us is by design. For instance, how could we have chosen to experience so closely and personally the disease of addiction? And why were we attracted to lovers who repeatedly abused us emotionally, if not physically? Lots of us absolutely intended to be good parents. So why did our children become substance abusers?
There
are no adequate answers to these questions. We simply have to trust
that what comes our way is meant for our ultimate good. Hindsight
provides acceptance, if not always understanding.
Our program teaches us to slow down. We learn to slow down by taking time out. During these time-outs, we look at our values and see if we’re staying true to them.
Because
of that, meditation is an important part of our program. It asks us to
take a bit of time to let ourselves not be rushed. We get to just look
inside and connect with what we need.
Focusing on our breathing and
noticing how that breath flows through us is one way to stop and
connect.
On the spiritual pathway, we often ambush ourselves. We can be our own worst enemy. Or, as some in our program are fond of saying, “Our head is out to get us.” The unchecked ego is humankind’s only natural enemy, and the only one we need worry about. It is a great hindrance to spiritual progress.
Our
ego is the accumulation of all our beliefs, beginning with those we
formed in childhood, and it gives off confusing signals. It makes us
afraid of failure, but it can also make us afraid of success.
Everyone makes mistakes. We all know that. So why is it so hard to admit our own? We seem to think we have to be perfect. We have a hard time looking at our mistakes. But our mistakes can be very good teachers.
Our Twelve Step program helps us learn and grow from our mistakes. In Step Four, half of our work is to think of our mistakes. In Step Five, we admit our mistakes to our Higher Power, ourselves, and another person. We learn, we grow, and we become whole. All by coming to know our mistakes. The gift of recovery is not being free of mistakes. Instead, we do the Steps to claim our mistakes and talk about them. We find the gift of recovery when we learn from our mistakes.
Higher Power, help me to see my mistakes as chances to get to know myself better.
