Letting go of the past

When we make big changes in our lives for the better, as we have all done, we naturally grieve the time we lost by not learning our lessons sooner. There’s no way to avoid that grief, but there’s no point in dwelling on it. Some of us get hooked by feelings of regret. We brood over the ways we let others down, and we wish we could relive certain events and do better with them this time. It is important for us all to release the past—let it go.

Our life is now. If we spend our conscious moments living in the past and regretting our mistakes, we never get on with

Action

 

"A New Year: 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes - a time to consider directions, goals, and actions. I must make some plans to live a normal life, but also I must live emotionally within a twenty-four-hour frame, for if I do, I don't have to make New Year's resolutions!

I can make every day a New Year's Day! I can decide, 'Today I will do this . . . Today I will do that.' Each day I can measure my life by trying to do a little better, by deciding to follow God's will and by making an effort to put the principles of our A.A. program into action."

c. 1990, Daily Reflections, page 374

THE JOY OF LIVING

 

  ... therefore the joy of good living is the

theme of A.A.'s Twelfth Step.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125

A.A. is a joyful program! Even so, I occasionally balk at taking the necessary steps to move ahead, and find myself resisting the very actions that could bring about the joy I want. I would not resist if those actions did not touch some vulnerable area of my life, an area that needs hope and fulfillment. Repeated exposure to joyfulness has a way of softening the hard, outer edges of my ego. Therein lies the power of joyfulness to help all members of A.A.

PROBLEM SOLVING

 

"Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems."

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 42

Through the recovery process described in the Big Book, I have come to realize that the same instructions that work on my alcoholism, work on much more. Whenever I am angry or frustrated, I consider the matter a manifestation of the main problem within me, alcoholism.

As I "walk" through the Steps, my difficulty is usually dealt with long before I reach the Twelfth "suggestion," and those difficulties that persist are remedied when I make an effort to carry the message to someone else.

These principles do solve my problems! I have not encountered an exception, and I have been brought to a way of living which is satisfying and useful.

Choices

Looking back we see that our freedom to choose badly was not, after all, a very real freedom. When we chose because we "must," this was not a free choice either. But it got us started in the right direction.
 

 When we chose because we "ought to" we were really doing better. This time we were earning some freedom, making ourselves ready for more.
 

 But when, now and then, we could gladly make right choices without rebellion,

As active addicts, we walked through life as if we were disposable. Shame kept telling us we had no value, and over time we acted as if we had no value. We acted as if how we conducted ourselves didn’t matter—but it did. A fellow addict used to say that it wouldn’t matter if he dropped dead tomorrow. When he died of his addiction, there were many tears at his funeral, especially by his children.

We must go out into our life and make a difference. With each new day that we stay sober and live by spiritual values, we get rid of a bit more shame. Over time the shame goes away, and we start to see the happiness

Help Me

How difficult it is to acknowledge that we need help! How it goes against the grain to admit we are needy. But “Help me!” is the password that opens the door to recovery.

When we say these words to our Higher Power, spouse or partner, or friend, we are really saying we are ready to be honest. For some of us, this may be the first honest personal statement we have made in many years.

When we ask others to help us learn to be free, to deal with our illusions, to shuck off our compulsions, we are asking them to help us turn on the light.

Real fellowship

A.A. Thought for the Day

Our drinking fellowship was a substitute one, for lack of something better. At the time, we did not realize what real fellowship could be. Drinking fellowship has a fatal fault. It is not based on a firm foundation. Most of it is on the surface. It is based mostly on the desire to use your companions for your own pleasure, and using others is a false foundation. Drinking fellowship has been praised in song and story. The "cup that cheers" has become famous as a means of companionship. But we realize that the higher centers of our brains are dulled by alcohol and such fellowship cannot be on the highest plane. It is at best only a substitute. Do I see my drinking fellowship in its proper light?

Meditation for the Day

Set for yourself the task of growing daily more and more into the consciousness of a Higher Power. We must keep trying to improve our conscious contact with God. This is done by prayer, quiet times, and communion. Often all you need to do is sit silent before God and let Him speak to you through your thought. Try to think God's thoughts after Him. When the guidance comes, you must not hesitate, but go out and follow that guidance in your daily work, doing what you believe to be the right thing.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be still and know that God is with me. I pray that I may open my mind to the leading of the Divine Mind.

Anger

Anger can be a healthy emotion, provided we don’t wallow in it or attack other people. When we express anger honestly and without reservation, we can prevent walls of resentment from building up and blocking us off from the intimacy that we strive for in our relationships. When we allow anger to fester in our heart, we surrender our peace of mind and lose our sense of purpose and self-worth. When we harbor anger rather than openly and respectfully expressing it, we no longer hear our inner spirit.
 

A NEW STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS

 

He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p 107

Many of us in A.A. puzzle over what is a spiritual awakening. I tended to look for a miracle, something dramatic and earth shattering. But what usually happens is that a sense of well-being, a feeling of peace, transforms us into a new level of awareness.
 

That's what happened to me. My insanity and inner turmoil disappeared and I entered into a new dimension of hope, love and peace. I think the degree to which I continue to experience this new dimension is in direct proportion to the sincerity, depth and devotion with which I practice the Twelve Steps of A.A.

Rewards

"The rewards of sobriety are bountiful and as progressive as the disease they counteract. Certainly among these rewards for me are release from the prison of uniqueness, and the realization that participation in the A.A. way of life is a blessing and a privilege beyond estimate - a blessing to live a life free from the pain and degradation of drinking and filled with the joy of useful, sober living, and a privilege to grow in sobriety one day at a time and bring the message of hope as it was brought to me."

From the new Fourth Edition of Alcoholics Anonymous
AA Grapevine, December 2001, p. 47

Thought to Consider . . .

We are not our thoughts, emotions, or urges.

AACRONYMS

G I F T S

Getting It From The Steps

New Relationship Behaviors

We talk much about new relationship behaviors in recovery: allowing others to be themselves without over-reacting and taking it personally, and owning our power to take care of ourselves. We talk about letting go of our need to control, focusing on self-responsibility, and not setting ourselves up to be victims by focusing on the other person while neglecting ourselves. We talk about having and setting healthy boundaries, talking directly, and taking responsibility for what we want and need.

While these behaviors certainly help us deal with addicted people, these are not behaviors intended only for use in what we call “dysfunctional relationships.”

These behaviors are our new relationship behavior