Friend of Bill and Bob: May 2018

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Tuning Fork

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
--Antoine de St. Exupery
A tuning fork is a small tool that is used to tune musical instruments. It is tapped softly and then set down. As it vibrates, it gives off a musical tone. When its vibrations perfectly match the vibrations of the note played on the instrument, the instrument is in tune. When the note matches the tuning fork, this can be both felt and heard.

Thought for the Day

I shall not wait to be drafted for service to A.A. I shall volunteer. I shall be loyal in my attendance, generous in my giving, kind in my criticism, creative in my suggestions, loving in my attitudes. I shall give to A.A. my interest, my enthusiasm, my devotion, and most of all, myself. Do I also accept this as my A.A. credo?

Meditation for the Day

When we have a problem with putting things off, we seem to add to our troubles by mentally flogging ourselves. We know we are losing time. We criticize ourselves for our irrational behavior. Whether we are putting off an important task in our lives or letting many little undone jobs accumulate, we could benefit from stopping the self criticism and asking ourselves for the spiritual message in our actions. Perhaps we need some quiet time to do absolutely nothing.

Keep It Simple

What we don’t live, we cannot teach others. -Day By Day

Remember – we don’t carry the message to others until we get to StepTwelve. We must first learn to live in a sober way. Sobriety takes time.We have to stop using alcohol and other drugs, but this is only the start.Just as it takes time to build a home, it takes time to build a new way of
life.

We talk with friends and sponsors about the Steps. We try using them in out lives. Then we talk about how the Steps work for us. We talk about where we get stuck with the Steps.

Understanding life

No one has been able to explain why pain and misfortune must be part of the human condition. Bad things can and do happen to everybody, and sometimes there's no way to explain it.

Even in sobriety, AA members have misfortunes---times when it appears that God is hiding. We even hear members share such experiences at meetings.

"About this slip business--I would not be too discouraged. I think you
are suffering a great deal from a needless guilt. For some reason or
other, the Lord has laid out tougher paths for some of us, and I guess
you are treading one of them. God is not asking us to be successful.

He is only asking us to try to be.

As we walk through life, there are many things and people we may lose, or lose out on, if we are unwilling to commit. We need to make a commitment for relationships to grow beyond the dating stage, to have the home or apartment we want, the job we want, or the car we desire.

We must commit, on deep levels, to careers, to goals, to family, friends, and recovery. Trying something will not enable us to succeed. Committing ourselves will.

Yet, we need never commit before we are ready.

A.A. Thought for the Day

I am part of A.A., one among many, but I am one. I need the A.A. principles for the development of the buried life within me. A.A. may be human in its organization, but it is Divine in its purpose. The purpose is to point me toward God and a better life. Participating in the privilege of the movement, I shall share in the responsibilities, taking it upon myself to carry my fair share of the load, not grudgingly but joyfully. To the extent that I fail in my responsibilities, A.A. fails. To the extent that I succeed, A.A. succeeds. Do I accept this as my A.A. credo?

Meditation for the Day

"Meditation is something which can always be further developed. It has no boundaries, of width or height or depth. Aided by such instruction and example as we can find, it is essentially an individual adventure, something which each one of us works out in his own way.

WE FORGIVE. . . .

Often it was while working on this Step with our sponsors
or spiritual adviser that we first felt truly able to
forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt they had
wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuaded us that
all-round forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when
we resolutely tackled Step Five that we inwardly knew
we'd be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 58

Before you go to bed tonight, give yourself a compelling reason to get up and get started right away tomorrow. Be clear in advance, motivated in advance, and you’ll give the day a powerful positive start.

Don’t waste half the morning wondering what you’ll do or convincing yourself to do it. You already know tomorrow is coming, so build in your plan and your enthusiasm for it today.

Create a shield to protect yourself from indecision, distraction, and regret. Energize your life, your mind, your experience with a day that gets off to a great start and then just keeps getting better.

Spiritual power can be seen in a person's reverence for life - hers and all others, including animals and nature, with a recognition of a universal life force referred to by many as God.
—Virginia Satir

Taking the time, daily, to recognize the spiritual force in everyone and everything that is all about us, encourages us to feel humble, to feel awe. Reflecting on our interconnections, our need for one and all to complete the universe, lessens whatever adversity we might feel as we struggle with our humanity.

A married woman who had recently joined Al-Anon called me one afternoon. She worked part-time as a registered nurse, had assumed all the responsibilities for raising her two children, and did all the household chores, including repairs and finances. "I want to separate from my husband," she sobbed. "I can't stand him or his abuse any longer. But tell me, please tell me," she said, "do you think I can take care of myself?"
—Codependent No More

Not only is it okay to take care of ourselves, we can take good care of ourselves.

Many of us, so confident about our ability to take care of others, doubt our inherent strength to care for ourselves. We may have come to believe, from our past or present circumstances, that we need to take care of others and we need others to take care of us. This is the ultimate codependent belief.

Thought for the Day

In A.A. we learn that since we are alcoholics we can be uniquely useful people. That is, we can help other alcoholics when perhaps somebody who has not had our experience with drinking could not help them. That makes us uniquely useful. The A.A.s are a unique group of people because they have taken their own greatest defeat and failure and sickness and used it as a means of helping others. We who have been through the same thing are the ones who can best help other alcoholics. Do I believe that I can be uniquely useful?

Meditation for the Day

Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.

Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behind in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them.

It doesn't help.

Take the first few Steps

As the wheel of the decades turns, so do a person's needs, desires, and tasks. Each of us does, in effect, strike a series of "deals" or compromises between the wants and longings of the inner self, and an outer environment that offers certain possibilities and sets certain limitations.
—Maggie Scarf

What life has measured out may not be what we had dreamed of. Life's lessons may not be those we'd have chosen to learn. Wisdom dictates that the joy of life is proportional to the ease with which we accept those possibilities for growth that have grown out of our inner desires.

We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see.

We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors such as caretaking or controlling.

Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency. When we hear ourselves say, I have to take care of this person . . . I have to say yes . . . I have to try to control that person . . . I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way . . . we can know we are choosing not to see choices.

We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn't do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 133

If your life is ever going to get better, you'll have to take risks. There is simply no way you can grow without taking chances.
—David Viscott

One sunny day a caterpillar who was afraid of the dark came to a tunnel, which lay squarely in its path. It had a choice of going back where it started, or summoning the courage to crawl into the darkness. "What shall I do?" wondered the caterpillar. "If I go back home, I won't get where I want to go, but I'm so afraid!"

Just then, a voice called out from the tunnel. "I can hear you, Mr. Caterpillar. I am Mr. Beetle.

Thought for the Day

In twelfth step work, the fifth thing is continuance. Continuance means our staying with prospects after they have started on the new way of living. We must stick with them and not let them down. We must encourage them to go to meetings regularly for fellowship and help. They will learn that keeping sober is a lot easier in the fellow ship of others who are trying to do the same thing. We must continue to help prospects by going to see them regularly or telephoning them or writing them so that they don't get out of touch with A.A. Continuance means good sponsorship. Do I care enough about other alcoholics to continue with them as long as necessary?

Meditation for the Day

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.
--Dorothy Canfield Fisher

A strong, healthy tree is one which is free to grow straight and tall. A weak tree often must lean against another for support. It is not that different with people. We are not healthy and strong when we must always lean on another to support us.

This doesn't mean it isn't healthy to accept help. But the best help we can get or give is that which enables us to do things without it.

Gratitude

Sometimes in life, things happen too fast. We barely solve one problem when two new problems surface. We're feeling great in the morning, but we're submerged in misery by nightfall.

Every day we face interruptions, delays, changes, and challenges. We face personality conflicts and disappointments. Often when we're feeling overwhelmed, we can't see the lessons in these experiences.

One simple concept can get us through the most stressful of times. It's called gratitude. We learn to say thank you for these problems and feelings.

The task is difficult, but that does not mean it is impossible. The problem is complicated, yet somewhere, somehow, a solution can be crafted.

Though the news can be troubling, it doesn’t mean the world is falling apart. Though any given moment may be unpleasant, even painful, still there is so very much to live for.

Acknowledge the troubles, and then look up from them. Look up, look forward, and see the positive possibilities.

Reflection for the Day

The experiences of thousands upon thousands of people have proven that acceptance and faith are capable of producing freedom from dependence on chemicals. When we apply the same principles of acceptance and faith to our emotional problems, however, we discover that only relative results are possible. Obviously, for example, nobody can ever become completely free from fear, anger or pride. None of us will ever achieve perfect love, harmony or serenity. We'll have to settle for very gradual progress, punctuated occasionally by very heavy setbacks. Have I begun to abandon my old attitude of "all or nothing"?

Today I Pray

Intimacy is that warm gift of feeling connected to others and enjoying our connection to them.

As we grow in recovery, we find that gift in many, sometimes surprising, places. We may discover we've developed intimate relationships with people at work, with friends, with people in our support groups - sometimes with family members. Many of us are discovering intimacy in a special love relationship.

Intimacy is not sex, although sex can be intimate. Intimacy means mutually honest, warm, caring, safe relationships - relationships where the other person can be who he or she is and we can be who we are - and both people are valued.

Sometimes there are conflicts. Conflict is inevitable. Sometimes there are troublesome feelings to work through. Sometimes the boundaries or parameters of relationships change. But there is a bond - one of love and trust.

Thought for the Day

In twelfth step work, the fourth thing is conversion. Conversion means change. Prospects must learn to change their way of thinking. Until now, everything they've done has been connected with drinking. Now they must face a new kind of life, without liquor. They must see and admit that they cannot overcome drinking by their own willpower, so they must turn to a Higher Power for help. They must start each day by asking this Higher Power for the strength to stay sober. This conversion to belief in a Higher Power comes gradually, as they try it and find that it works. Do I care enough about other alcoholics to help them to make this conversion?

Meditation for the Day

Reflection for the Day

I know today that getting active means trying to live the suggested Steps of the Program to the best of my ability. It means striving for some degree of honesty, first with myself, then with others. It means activity directed inward, to enable me to see myself and my relationship with my Higher Power more clearly. As I get active, outside and inside myself, so shall I grow in the Program. Do I let others do all the work at meetings? Do I carry my share?

Today I Pray

I got up early one morning
and rushed right into the day;
I had so much to accomplish
that I didn't have time to pray.

Problems just tumbled about me,
and heavier came each task.
"Why doesn't God help me?" I wondered.
He answered, "You didn't ask."

We all have monsters

It's ironic, but until you can free those final monsters within the jungle of yourself, your life, your soul is up for grabs.
—Rona Barrett

We all have monsters. Maybe it's depression over the past or present circumstances, or resentment about another's behavior, or fear of new situations. Maybe it's jealousy of other women. The more attention we give the monsters, the more powerful they get. The harder we try to resist the jealousy or depression or fear, the greater it becomes.

Life is cyclical, not static. Our relationships benefit when we allow them to follow their own natural cycles.

Like the tide ebbs and flows, so do the cycles in relationships. We have periods of closeness and periods of distance. We have times of coming together and times of separating to work on individual issues.

We have times of love and joy, and times of anger.

Sometimes, the dimensions of relationships change as we go through changes. Sometimes, life brings us new friends or a new loved one to teach us the next lesson.

That does not mean the old friend disappears forever. It means we have entered a new cycle.

Thought for the Day

In twelfth step work, the second thing is confession. By frankly sharing with prospects, we get them talking about their own experiences. They will open up and confess things to us that they haven't been able to tell other people. And they feel better when this confession has been made. It's a great load off their minds to get these things out into the open. It's the things that are kept hidden that weigh on the mind. They feel a sense of release and freedom when they have opened up their hearts to us. Do I care enough about other alcoholics to help them to make a confession?

Meditation of the Day

When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone.

He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being.

We can practice forgiveness each day.

Resentments have a way of creeping back into my psyche even after I have let go of them. I know that holding a grudge is harmful to my emotional health and can threaten my abstinence, but what can I do when I keep feeling anger toward someone?

In the interest of recovery, in my own best interest, I can continue to forgive each day.

When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64
It is very difficult for me to come to terms with my spiritual illness because of my great pride, disguised by my material successes and my intellectual power. Intelligence is not incompatible with humility, provided I place humility first.

Give as much of yourself as you can to as much of your higher power, as you can understand.
—S.H.

The more we are in concert with God, the greater will be our pleasures in life. Recognizing our partnership with our higher power makes every decision easier, facilitates the completion of every task, and removes all uncertainty about our value to this world, particularly to those persons around us.

Knowledge that we are never alone, that in every circumstance our best interests are being cared for, softens whatever blow we encounter. The blows teach us; they are the lessons the inner self has requested, and let us never forget we have a ready tutor to see us through every assignment.

Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies. . . .
—Erich Fromm

A robin comes alive by breaking out of its shell. The small bird struggles to break out of the safety of the blue egg. Once out, it struggles to grow, slowly learning how to eat, walk, and fly.

We, too, struggle as we grow.

Life is not to be endured; life is to be enjoyed and embraced.
The belief that we must square our shoulders and get through a meager, deprived existence for far off rewards in Heaven is a codependent belief.

Yes, most of us still have times when life will be stressful and challenge our endurance skills. But in recovery, we're learning to live, to enjoy our life, and handle situations as they come.

Our survival skills have served us well. They have gotten us through difficult times - as children and adults.

A man is what he thinks about all day long.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is true for women too. We sure learned that about our disease as well. It kept us thinking about alcohol or drugs all day every day until we could think of little else. Finally we became addicts, gobbled up by our all-consuming thoughts and cravings.

Now in recovery, we can be something else. We are becoming free of our addiction, and our minds can think about other things. What do we want to think about? What do we want to be?

It's easy to let the noise around us tell us what to think about. At the end of the day, we can end up feeling out of touch with who we are.

Attitudes

"We find that our old attitudes toward our instincts need to undergo drastic revisions. Our desires for emotional security and wealth, for personal prestige and power, for romance, and for family satisfactions - all these have to be tempered and redirected. If we place instincts first, we have got the cart before the horse; we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment.

Ultimately, to grieve our losses means to surrender to our feelings.

So many of us have lost so much, have said so many good byes - have been through so many changes. We may want to hold back the tides of change, not because the change isn't good, but because we have had so much change, so much loss.

Sometimes, when we are in the midst of pain and grief, we become shortsighted, like members of a tribe described in the movie Out of Africa.

"If you put them in prison," one character said, describing this tribe, "they die."

"Why?" asked another character.

"Because they can't grasp the idea that they'll be let out one day. They think it's permanent, so they die."

Thought for the Day

If we get up in a meeting and tell some thing about ourselves in order to help the other person, we feel a whole lot better. It's the old law of the more you give the more you get. Witnessing and confession are part of keeping sober. You never know when you may help somebody. Helping others is one of the best ways to stay sober your self. And the satisfaction you get out of helping a fellow human being is one of the finest experiences you can have. Am I helping others?

Meditation for the Day

"You know," somebody admitted, "I've never really allowed myself to have good friends.

"I always put myself in two extreme roles. Either I think it's my duty to 'save' everyone, or I think it's someone else's function to 'save' me. I set myself up for very dissatisfactory relationships that way. I don't grow very much nor do the people I'm involved with grow much. We get locked into Parent-Child, Teacher-Student, and Counselor-Client kinds of roles.

"I'm tired of empty and lopsided friendships.

The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed. --Chamfort

When we are adrift in our addiction, we take ourselves very seriously and often lose contact with reality. We become lost in fantasy and obsession. Life becomes joyless because we can't see beyond our addiction, and we find no real satisfaction there. We lose touch with the joy and humor of life, and we find that everything around us and inside us is grim and dark.

One of the many positive signs of our return to health and sanity is our recovery of the gift of laughter.

As we learn we always change, and so our perception. This changed perception then becomes a new Teacher inside each of us.
—Hyemeyohsts Storm

Hyemeyohsts Storm's book, Seven Arrows, tells the stories of one of the Indian tribes in this country before most of its members were killed. They believed that change was important for growth. Change is sometimes frightening. We usually prefer the familiar, no matter how uncomfortable, over taking a chance on the unknown.

Alcoholics Anonymous Preamble

.....Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

The 1940 AA Preamble

We are gathered here because we are faced with the fact that we are powerless over alcohol and unable to do anything about it without the help of a Power greater than ourselves.

We feel that each person's religious views, if any, are his own affair. The simple purpose of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is to show what may be done to enlist the aid of a Power greater than ourselves regardless of what our individual conception of that Power may be.

Thought for the Day

Fellowship is a big part of staying sober. The doctors call it group therapy. We never go to an A.A. meeting without taking something out of it. Sometimes we don't feel like going to a meeting and we think of excuses for not going. But we usually end up by going anyway. And we always get some lift out of every meeting. Meetings are part of keeping sober. And we get more out of a meeting if we try to contribute something to it. Am I contributing my share at meetings?

Meditation for the Day

Thanks to the progress I am making in recovery, I like to think I am more loving, more open, more spontaneous, more confident. I believe these gifts have come to me through my Higher Power, the Twelve Steps, and the friends who have helped me grow.

If I am to keep the gifts, I must share them. They are mine as long as I give them away. To do that I need to realize we're all working toward a similar goal: that of developing our potential and becoming who we are meant to be.

Seeking Fool's Gold

"Pride is the basic breeder of most human difficulties, the chief block to true progress. Pride lures us into making demands upon ourselves or upon others which cannot be met without perverting or misusing our God-given instincts. When the satisfaction of our instincts for sex, security, and a place in society becomes the primary object of our lives, then pride steps in to justify our excesses."

Many of us have heard of the Ninth Step Promises from page 83-84 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. There are, however, additional promises in the Big Book.

PROMISES OF STEP ONE

*have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Title Page*suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol-Doctors Opinion pg 5
*I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth dimension of existence. pg8
*I was to know happiness, peace and usefulness, in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes pg 8
*I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator, that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. pg 13
*If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. pg 15
*But, there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful pg 16

PROMISES OF STEP TWO
*Scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes. pg 12
*A new world came into view. pg 12
*Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. pg 13*We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed. pg 25

Thought for the Day

The A.A. program is one of submission, release, and action. When we're drinking, we're submitting to a power greater than ourselves, liquor. Our own wills are no use against the power of liquor. One drink and we're sunk. In A.A. we stop submitting to the power of liquor. Instead, we submit to a Power, also greater than ourselves, which we call God. Have I submitted myself to that Higher Power?

Meditation for the Day

Ceaseless activity is not God's plan for your life. Times of withdrawal for renewed strength are always necessary. Wait for the faintest tremor of fear and stop all work, everything, and rest before God until you are strong again. Deal in the same way with all tired feelings.

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Monday, May 28, 2018

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Thursday, May 17, 2018

PROMISES OF STEP ONE