Setting Our Own Course

We can control how we respond to other people's expectations.

During the course of any day, people may make demands on our time, talents, energy, money, and emotions. We do not have to say yes to every request. We do not have to feel guilty if we say no. And we do not have to allow the barrage of demands to control the course of our life.

We do not have to spend our life reacting to others and to the course they would prefer we took with our life.

We can set boundaries, firm limits on how far we shall go with others. We can trust and listen to ourselves. We can set goals and direction for our life. We can place value on ourselves.

EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS

Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn't wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands.
 
I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: "What am I going to do about it?" Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God's power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself?
 

During my drinking years, my one and only concern was to have my fellow man think highly of me. My ambition in everything I did was to have the power to be at the top. My inner self kept telling me something else but I couldn't accept it.
 
I didn't even allow myself to realize that I wore a mask continually. Finally, when the mask came off and I cried out to the only God I could conceive, the Fellowship of A.A., my group and the Twelve Steps were there.

True to Ourselves

To thine own self be true. A grounding statement for those of us who get caught up in the storm of needs and feelings of others.

Listen to the self. What do we need? Are those needs getting met? What do we feel? What do we need to do to take care of our feelings? What are our feelings telling us about ourselves and the direction we need to go?

What do we want to do or say? What are our instincts telling us? Trust them - even if they don't make sense or meet other people's rules and expectations.

Sometimes, the demands of other people and our confused expectations of ourselves - the messages about our responsibilities toward others - can create a tremendous, complicated mess.

Attitude of gratitude

What outlook are we carrying forth into the day ahead? Are we feeling fearful about the circumstances confronting us? Do we dread a planned meeting? Are we worried about the welfare of a friend or lover? Whatever our present outlook, its power over the outcome of our day is profound. Our attitude in regard to any situation attracting our attention influences the outcome. Sometimes to our favor, often to our disfavor if our attitude is negative.

Thankfulness toward life guarantees the rewards we desire, the rewards we seek too often from an ungrateful stance. The feeling of gratitude is foreign to many of us.

Expectations

"My serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations.

The higher my expectations of other people are,

the lower is my serenity.

I can watch my serenity level rise when I discard my expectations.

But then my 'rights' try to move in, and they, too, can force my serenity level down.

I have to discard my 'rights,' as well as my expectations, by asking myself, 'How important is it, really?

How important is it compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety?'

And when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety

than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher level--

at least for the time being."

Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition p. 452

Thought to Consider . . .

Lower your standards and improve your program.

AACRONYMS

GRACE

Gently Releasing All Conscious Expectations