“They can be analyzed, counseled, reasoned with, prayed over,
threatened, beaten, or locked up, but they will not stop until they want
to stop.”
Basic Text, p. 65
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Perhaps one of the most difficult truths we must face in our
recovery is that we are as powerless over another’s addiction as we are
over our own. We may think that because we’ve had a spiritual awakening
in our own lives we should be able to persuade another addict to find
recovery. But there are limits to what we can do to help another
addict.
We cannot force them to stop using. We cannot give them the
results of the steps or grow for them. We cannot take away their
loneliness or their pain. There is nothing we can say to convince a
scared addict to surrender the familiar misery of addiction for the
frightening uncertainty of recovery. We cannot jump inside other
peoples’ skins, shift their goals, or decide for them what is best for
them.
However, if we refuse to try to exert this power over another’s
addiction, we may help them. They may grow if we allow them to face
reality, painful though it may be. They may become more productive, by
their own definition, as long as we don’t try and do it for them. They
can become the authority on their own lives, provided we are only
authorities on our own. If we can accept all this, we can become what
we were meant to be—carriers of the message, not the addict.
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Just for today: I will accept that I am powerless not
only over my own addiction but also over everyone else’s. I will carry
the message, not the addict.
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