Debits

"As we glance down the debit side of the day's ledger, we should carefully examine our motives in each thought or act that appears to be wrong. In most cases our motives won't be hard to see and understand. When prideful, angry, jealous, anxious, or fearful, we acted accordingly, and that was that. Here we need only recognize that we did act or think badly, try to visualize how we might have done better, and resolve with God's help to carry these lessons over into tomorrow, making, of course, any amends still neglected."
  c.1952 AAWS, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 94

Thought to Consider . . .

Life is too short to be small.




AACRONYMS

D U E S
Desperately Using Everything but Sobriety

Getting Through the Discomfort

One of the fears I had when I got sober was that I had ruined large parts of my life, and that the damage I had done was permanent. I spent many nights wishing I could go back in time and make different, better decisions. As I went over and over these things, I was overcome with shame, and remorse, and resentment. At times, I felt like my life was over, and that things wouldn’t turn out okay for me.

In working the Steps, I began to come to terms with the things I did, and I discovered the causes and conditions for why I did them. As I took the focus off others, and even off the past, I concentrated on making things right in the present. I built a relationship with my Higher Power, I cleaned house and made amends, and soon I found that I had built an archway through which I could once again connect with my fellows.
​​​​​​​

Keep It Simple

In our illness, we harmed people. In Step Nine, we are to make amends. Making amends is about asking people we have harmed what we need to do to set things right. But making amends is more than saying, “I'm sorry.” If you ran a store and someone had stolen five dollars, you wouldn't want them to just say, ”I'm sorry.” You'd want the person to pay back the money. The same is true with amends.

Many people we've harmed ask only that we don't repeat our mistakes. Respect their wishes. Step Nine has healed many wounds. Step Nine allows us to grow up. Step Nine help us regain faith in ourselves. Remember, the best amend we make to all is to stay sober.

Step 8 and 9

A.A. Thought for the Day

Step Eight is, "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." Step Nine is, "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." Making restitution for the wrongs we have done is often very difficult. It hurts our pride. But the rewards are great. When we go to a person and say we are sorry, the reaction we get is almost invariably good. It takes courage to make the plunge, but the results more than justify it. A load is off your chest and often an arch enemy has been turned into a friend. Have I done my best to make all the restitution possible? Meditation for the Day

A Step Poem

I took Step One, began to moan
I can’t do this one on my own.
I took Step Two, began to pray
Restore me God, please now, today.
I took Step Three, gave up my will
maybe God could love me still?
I took a Fourth, I looked inside
Nothing more would I hide.
And on the Fifth, I said aloud
“I’ve done some wrong, and I’m not proud.”

Amends

Thought for the Day

"We must be willing to make amends to all the people we have harmed. We must do the best we can to repair the damage done in the past. When we make amends, when we say 'I'm sorry,' the person is sure at least to be impressed by our sincere desire to set right the wrong. Sometimes people we are making amends to admit their own faults, so feuds of long standing melt away. Our most ruthless creditors will sometimes surprise us. In general, we must be willing to do the right thing, no matter what the consequences may be for us." Have I made a sincere effort to make amends to the people I have harmed.

Meditation for the Day

Making Amends

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  —Step Nine of Al-Anon ( AA)

When we make amends we need to be clear about what we're apologizing for and the best way to say we're sorry. What we are really doing with our amends is taking responsibility for our behavior. We need to be sure that the process itself will not be self-defeating or hurtful.

Sometimes, we need to directly apologize for a particular thing we have done or our part in a problem.

Other times, instead of saying "I'm sorry," what we need to do is work on changing our behavior with a person.

There are times when bringing up what we have done and apologizing for it will make matters worse.

Step Eight

The Eighth Step is not meant to punish us; it is meant to set us free from guilt, anxiety, and discord.

We begin by making a list of everyone we have harmed on our journey, as we have struggled to survive. We have probably done more damage to ourselves than to anyone else, so we put ourselves first on the list.

Often, our tendency is to feel guilty about everything we've ever done, everyone we've come in contract with. That is unearned guilt. Writing helps us clarify whether or not we are punishing ourselves for no reason. But we need to be open to guidance as we work this Step, getting everything out of us and on to paper, so we can be healed.

TOWARD EMOTIONAL FREEDOM

Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p.80

Willingness is a peculiar thing for me in that, over a period of time, it seems to come, first with awareness, but then with a feeling of discomfort, making me want to take some action. As I reflected on taking the Eighth Step, my willingness to make amends to others came as a desire for forgiveness, of others and myself.

Be careful with amends.

Hurting someone thoughtlessly just to lift our own guilt is not a proper Step Nine. Amends are for rebuilding the burned bridges in our lives. But if amends will hurt someone, we must decide if it's in that person's best interest to be told now. Oftentimes it's best left unsaid, but never denied to ourselves or to God.

Changing our behavior intentionally is one part of making amends, particularly to family members who may have heard us say "I'm sorry" far too many times.

Repaying money, repairing damages, and making charitable contributions on behalf of the person we have