Hurting someone thoughtlessly just to lift our own guilt is not a proper Step Nine. Amends are for rebuilding the burned bridges in our lives. But if amends will hurt someone, we must decide if it's in that person's best interest to be told now. Oftentimes it's best left unsaid, but never denied to ourselves or to God.
Changing our behavior intentionally is one part of making amends, particularly to family members who may have heard us say "I'm sorry" far too many times.
Repaying money, repairing damages, and making charitable contributions on behalf of the person we have harmed are all honest attempts to right our wrong. The point in every amends attempt is to take responsibility for what we did and express our regrets. Couple this with changed behavior, and our relationships will improve immediately.
I will not shy away from any amends I need to make today, but I'll be careful not to hurt someone with information he or she doesn't need to know.
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