I learned being around the rooms of A.A. for 4 years prior to coming back this time, that I had to find a power greater then myself in order to grow. I never got this when I first entered the rooms and as a result I was domed to repeat.
I lay lifeless on my couch, darkness all around me and death breathing down my neck... I was weak , broken and tattered. Life was no longer worth living and I was ready for death. But, at that very thought A light went off in my head.
A power, greater than myself, spoke to me and gave me a choice to live or to die. There was hope, I thought for the first time. I got my weary body up and a small smile came to my face as the tears of hope ran down my face.
God had spoken to me. He was giving me a sign, all I had to do was follow him and have some faith...He was giving me a chance at a new freedom at life.
I wanted this,,,
that's what was different this time,,I wanted this for me !. Not for my kids or my husband or my family,,just for me ! I was afraid and shaking,,,it was fear that has kept me down in the darkness for so long. The path is going to be long and hard. I have a lot of growing to do.
"One Day At A Time".
Have to get my house cleaned out. But I,m not alone, I have a power greater then myself today who I choose to call God :)
And knowing he is by my side helping me and guiding me down the path I,ll be O.K.
And I ask for his help each morning To not pick up that first drink or drug, and thank him for another day,and each nite for another sober and clean day and I smile :)
8/23/99,,, updated 12/12/99