Meetings

A "spiritual experience" to me meant attending meetings, seeing a group of people, all there for the purpose of helping each other; hearing the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions read at a meeting, and hearing the Lord's Prayer, which in an A.A. meeting has such great meaning - "Thy will be done, not mine." A spiritual awakening soon came to mean trying each day to be a little more thoughtful, more considerate, a little more courteous to those with whom I came in contact.
c. 2001, Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 356

Thought to Consider . . .

Sponsors

Every sponsor is necessarily a leader. The stakes are huge. A human life, and usually the happiness of a whole family, hangs in the balance. What the sponsor does and says, how well he estimates the reactions of his prospects, how well he times and makes his presentation, how well he handles criticisms, and how well he leads his prospect on by personal spiritual example . . . well, these attributes of leadership can make all the difference, often the difference between life and death. Thank God that Alcoholics Anonymous is blessed with so much leadership in each and all of its great affairs!

Bill W., April 1959

c. 1988 AA Grapevine, The Language of the Heart,  p. 292 

Thought to Consider . . .

A recovering alcoholic without a sponsor is much like a ship without a rudder.

AACRONYMS

D U E S
Desperately Using Everything but Sobriety

God as we understood Him

Newcomer

I wince every time I hear the words "God as we understood Him" and "Higher Power." When meetings close with the Lord's Prayer, I feel like I'm being railroaded. I don't fit into the same religious slot that other people seem to take for granted.

Sponsor

All of us qualify to be here, but not because of any religious identification or belief. Most of us are tolerant of differences, but, being human, some of us forget that not everyone shares the same religious context. Whatever an individual member has to say about the role of his or her Higher Power, the only requirement for membership [in the Program] is the desire to stop using the addictive substance that got us here.

Red Flags

From: "The Perpetual Quest"

Many years later, although alcohol is not part of my life and I no longer have the compulsion to drink, it can still occur to me what a good drink tastes like and what it can do for me, from my stand-at-attention alcoholic taste buds right down to my stretched out tingling toes.

As my sponsor used to point out, such thoughts are like red flags, telling me that something is not right, that I am stretched beyond my sober limit. It's time to get back to basic A.A. and see what needs changing.
 
That special relationship with alcohol will always be there, waiting to seduce me again. I can stay protected by continuing to be an active member of A.A.

2001 AAWS Inc.
Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 396-397

Behaving

Behaving the way we honestly and sincerely believe God wants us to behave eliminates our confusion. When we contribute in a loving manner to the circumstances involving us, we carry God's message; and that's all that's expected of us in this life.

This recovery program has involved us in the affairs of many other people. We are needed to listen, to guide, to sponsor, to suggest. Each time we have an opportunity to make an impact on another person, it's to our benefit, and hers too, to let God direct our conduct.

Too often God's message is missed due to our selfish concerns, but it's never too late to begin listening for it.

I CANNOT CHANGE THE WIND

My first sponsor told me there were two things to say about prayer and meditation: first, I had to start and second, I had to continue. When I came to A.A. my spiritual life was bankrupt; if I considered God at all, He was to be called upon only when my self-will was incapable of a task or when overwhelming fears had eroded my ego.

Today I am grateful for a new life, one in which my prayers are those of thanksgiving. My prayer time is more for listening than for talking. I know today that if I cannot change the wind, I can adjust my sail. I know the difference between superstition and spirituality. I know there is a graceful way of being right, and many ways to be wrong.
Copyright 1990
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.

Rent-free space

Becoming consumed by our emotions is all too familiar. It was a favorite pastime before we got clean and sober, and it still may "own" us. Much to our dismay, sponsors remind us that we're getting a payoff or we wouldn't continue the practice. They also tell us it's never too late to give it up.

We can begin immediately. Let's breathe in the positive. It takes the same effort as dwelling on resentments, and the outcome is so much healthier. Let's bring our blessings to mind first. Breathe in the images of friends and the smiles we share. Breathe in the image of our Higher Power and those comforting arms.

True gift of recovery

The last few years of my drinking and using sure were ugly. It had stopped working long before I got sober, but I had failed to realize it. Instead, I obsessively pursued oblivion, and all those things I said I would never do passed by as quickly as do the stories of a building to a man who has just jumped off. Hurtling toward real oblivion, I had lost all self respect, self control, and was about to lose my life.


As I sat in meetings during early recovery, I used to hear people talk about hanging out with their "lower companions." This brought to mind all the 'nowhere' people I had taken to hanging around with, too, and I was disgusted that I had stooped so low. I'll never forget the shock I felt when my sponsor pointed out that I had been their lower companion as well. Boy did that put me in my place.

Change

I used to say that stopping drinking was easy – I did it hundreds of times. After a particularly bad drunk, I would wake up with that sick hangover and demoralizing memories of what I had done. Then and there I swore off alcohol. Sometimes I lasted a week or longer, but ultimately I would end up with a drink in my hand. Stopping drinking was easy; staying stopped? Well…

When I got sober in the rooms, I told my sponsor that I already knew how to not drink, what I didn’t know was how to live without always wanting to. He told me the key was changing who I was inside, so that the new man I became didn’t want a drink any longer. Why don’t I just change my eye color, I thought; how in the world am I going to accomplish that? He said we would do it one day at a time through working the Twelve Steps of recovery.

Chronic Slipper

In Alcoholics Anonymous, I knew I had found a protective haven. But during the ensuing 4-1/2 years I fell into the category known, in AA parlance, as a "chronic slipper." I might get a good six months of sobriety under my belt, but then I would get a bottle to celebrate.

I did all the things that were suggested for me not to do. Within my first year around AA, I made some major decisions, like getting married, renting the most expensive apartment I could find, not using my sponsor, avoiding the steps, hanging around old haunts with my old drinking pals, and talking more than listening during meetings.

Wisdom

Wisdom begins in seeing how much we do not know. Sometimes it's a painful blow to our egos to face what we still have to learn. Many of us have believed we know how to live. Yet, when we look at our lives, we see something has been missing. When we continue to have great stress, when we haven't made progress in simplifying our lives, when our lives seem full of crises - perhaps then it is time to open ourselves to some new learning.

We can talk to sponsors and get ideas from group members. Perhaps they have noticed our blind spots and will tell us if asked.

Help

 We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort."

c. 1976 AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 25-6

Thought to Consider . . .

The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.

AACRONYMS

S P O N S O R

Sober Person Offering Newcomers Suggestions On Recovery

Chronic Slipper

In Alcoholics Anonymous, I knew I had found a protective haven. But during the ensuing 4-1/2 years I fell into the category known, in AA parlance, as a "chronic slipper." I might get a good six months of sobriety under my belt, but then I would get a bottle to celebrate.

I did all the things that were suggested for me not to do. Within my first year around AA, I made some major decisions, like getting married, renting the most expensive apartment I could find, not using my sponsor, avoiding the steps, hanging around old haunts with my old drinking pals, and talking more than listening during meetings.
 

I will look beyond the character defects of others

How easy it is to point out the faults of others! There's a reason for this: The defects we identify most easily in others are often the defects we are most familiar with in our own characters. We may notice our best friend's tendency to spend too much money, but if we examine our own spending habits we'll probably find the same compulsiveness. We may decide our sponsor is much too involved in service, but find that we haven't spent a single weekend with our families in the past three months because of one service commitment or another.
What we dislike in our fellows are often those things we dislike most in ourselves. We can turn this observation to our spiritual advantage. When we are stricken with the impulse to judge someone else, we can redirect the impulse in such a way as to recognize our own defects more clearly.

Some useful tools

Before recovery, anything that went wrong – or didn't go my way – easily became an impending disaster. Toothache? Must be a root canal. Boss not smiling? Probably going to get fired. Left to myself, my incessant negative thinking was quick to add dirt to any mole hill until the mountain of imaginary evidence overwhelmed me.

When I entered recovery, my sponsor was quick to point out a few tools I might find useful for my distorted thinking. The first was, “One day at a time.” “You’re not having a root canal, nor are you being fired today, are you?” he asked. “No,” I grudgingly replied. “Then take it easy,” he suggested. Next, he taught me to “Take the next indicated action.” Calling my dentist was a manageable action, whereas worrying endless about an imagined root canal wasn't. Using these and other tools of recovery helped restore me to sanity.

Only One Tool

From: "Availing yourself of a sponsor" 

An A.A. sponsor is not a professional caseworker or counselor of any sort. A sponsor is not someone to borrow money from, nor get clothes, jobs, or food from. A sponsor is not a medical expert, nor qualified to give religious, legal, domestic or psychiatric advice, although a good sponsor is usually willing to discuss such matters confidentially, and often can suggest where the appropriate professional assistance can be obtained.

But by the grace of God, there go I

In early sobriety, I sometimes had trouble identifying with other people’s alcoholism, and often wondered whether I belonged. After all, I had never been to prison for manslaughter while driving drunk. I never robbed a liquor store in a blackout, or woke up in a different state – or country – not know how I had gotten there. There were countless other things that had never happened to me either. As I discussed this with my sponsor, he said I hadn’t experienced these things – yet.
As I started working the Steps and writing inventories, I began to see what he meant. First of all, I actually had crashed a car while drunk, and I had been arrested for it when I was seventeen.

Freedom From Guilt

Guilt is one of the most commonly encountered stumbling blocks in recovery. One of the more notorious forms of guilt is the self-loathing that results when we try to forgive ourselves but don't feel forgiven.

How can we forgive ourselves so we feel it? First, we remember that guilt and failure are not links in an unbreakable chain. Honestly sharing with a sponsor and with other addicts shows this to be true. Often the result of such sharing is a more sensible awareness of the part we ourselves have played in our affairs.

Detach

Our program friends are showing us how to detach from other people and their problems. We have learned we aren't the cause of a family member's alcoholism or the never-ending trauma in a friend's life, though our family and friends may try to blame us for their difficulties. The program teaches us that we don't have the power to make others go against their will. But when others cast blame our way, it's been our nature to absorb it. Now we are learning how to refuse the blame.

IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE

Newcomer

I sat through a meeting today in anger. It started when I walked in and saw who was up there speaking—someone I know and don’t trust. She did everything her way and I didn’t hear much program, at least as I know it. I feel ashamed of having that reaction, especially at this point in recovery, but that’s how I felt.

Sponsor

Thanks for your honesty. Most of us in recovery have strong feelings of resistance at one time or another. I’ve certainly experienced the kind you’re talking about. Sometimes we all want what we want when we want it.