Yes, But

Sometimes I turn my back on the sunlight of the spirit

Twelve Step programs give us guidance, but we're told, understanding is not really very important -- "It works if you work it." I believe this, but (perversely) I'd still like to understand it.

Meetings, literature, and dialog with members provided me with information, useful truth, and specific actions. All I had to do was pay attention and the way to a better life was soon clear. It wasn't hard to get the right stuff into my head. However ...

I got it up here (point to head), but it just wasn't right here yet (fist to heart).

My problem was, it may work for you but I'm different. I insisted (only to myself) that my differences made the wisdom of the program inapplicable to me, so I turned my back on saving my life.

This defensive illusion is called "terminal uniqueness." It was killing me one day at a time.

Terminal uniqueness shows up in many forms: I'm too smart, I'm too old to change, I'm too badly damaged, too dependent, too poor, too much in love, too, too, too ... too anything that blocks the truth from invading my subconscious, any excuse that keeps me from taking real action.

My sponsor told me that a foolproof way to detect terminal uniqueness is to listen for "Yes, but" in a sentence.

Everything that follows "Yes, but" is bullshit.