Awareness

When we first become aware of a problem, a situation, or a feeling, we may react with anxiety or fear. There is no need to fear awareness. No need.

Awareness is the first step toward positive change and growth. It's the first step toward solving the problem, or getting the need met, the first step toward the future. It's how we focus on the next lesson.

Awareness is how life, the Universe, and our Higher Power get our attention and prepare us for change. The process of becoming changed begins with awareness. Awareness, acceptance, and change - that's the cycle.

Learning self-acceptance

Learning self-acceptance, and then loving the selves we are, present perhaps our two biggest hurdles to the attainment of emotional and spiritual health. Fortunately, they are not insurmountable hurdles. The program offers ready assistance.

Women everywhere are making great strides in self-love and self-acceptance. We are learning self-love. And we are changing. The support we can give our sisters, and the support we receive, multiplies many times the healthy energy created - healthy energy that touches us all.

Emotional and spiritual health are gifts promised by the program, when we work it. We must move beyond our perfectionism and relish our humanness.

Vision

"Vision is, I think, the ability to make good estimates, both for the immediate and for the more distant future. Some might feel this sort of striving to be a sort of heresy, because we A.A.'s are constantly telling ourselves, "One day at a time." But that valuable principle really refers to our mental and emotional lives and means chiefly that we are not to foolishly repine over the past nor wishfully day-dream about the future . . . Vision is therefore the very essence of prudence, an essential virtue if ever there was one. Of course we shall often miscalculate the future in whole or in part, but that is better than to refuse to think at all."
Bill W., 1962

c. 1962 AAWS
Twelve Concepts for World Service, 26th printing, p. 40

Gift of freedom

Reflection for the Day

Among the many gifts that we are offered in The Program is the gift of freedom. Paradoxically, however, the gift of freedom is not without a price tag; freedom can only be achieved by paying the price called acceptance. Similarly, if we can surrender to God's guidance, it will cost us our self-will, that "commodity" so precious to those of us who have always thought we could and should run the show. Is my freedom today worth the price tag of acceptance?

Today I Pray

May God teach me acceptance - the ability to accept the things I cannot change. God also grant me courage to change those things I can. God help me to accept the illness of my addiction and give me the courage to change my addictive behavior.

Today I Will Remember

Accept the addiction. Change the behavior.

You are reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

Refuge

From "for A.A.s, a Season of Gratitude" 

The holiday season can be difficult for many A.A.s, especially the newcomer. The pressure to drink may feel overwhelming when it seems all the world is hoisting glasses in one toast after another. At these times, the prospect of the usual round of holiday parties can be as inviting as a stroll in a minefield to the alcoholic struggling to stay away from the first drink.
 

 
The A.A. group, though, can be a refuge. Meeting marathons provide a safe place for recovering alcoholics who are on their own, as well as those looking for a break from family festivities. Some groups schedule dances or potluck dinners, providing a place to congregate and celebrate in sober fellowship. 

Sobriety

Thought for the Day

The way of A.A. is the way of sobriety, fellowship, service, and faith. Let us take up each one of these things and see if our feet are truly on the way. The first and greatest to us is sobriety. The others are built on sobriety as a foundation. We could not have the others if we did not have sobriety. We all come to A.A. to get sober, and we stay to help others get sober. We are looking for sobriety first, last, and all the time. We cannot build any decent kind of a life unless we stay sober. Am I on the A.A. way?

Meditation for the Day

We can Trust Ourselves

"The last mistake I made almost cost me my sanity," said one recovering woman who married a sex addict. "I can't afford to make another mistake like that."

Many of us have trusted people, who went on to deceive, abuse, manipulate, or otherwise exploit us because we trusted them. We may have found these people charming, kind, and decent. There may have been a small voice that said, "No - something's wrong." Or we may have been comfortable with trusting that person and shocked when we found our instincts were wrong.

The issue may then reverberate through our life for years. Our trust in others may have been shaken, but our trust in ourselves may have been shattered worse.

Aware

When we become aware of how far off our path we have strayed, when we see how cold and hard we were to someone we love, when we are no longer blind to our blindness - then we are touched by painful feelings. We feel guilty about the harm we caused. We grieve the lost moments and lost opportunities. We may feel angry with ourselves for our stubbornness. But even with our pain, we are worlds away from that blindness.

This new awareness is a spiritual place. It brings us back into contact with our Higher Power and makes us available to the words of wisdom and concern of others. It reminds us that no man can walk this path on his own power.

Surrender

Surrender means saying, "Okay, God. I'll do whatever You want." Faith in the God of our recovery means we trust that, eventually, we'll like doing that.

Today, I will surrender to my Higher Power. I'll trust that God's plan for me will be good, even if it is different than I hoped for or expected.
 
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Start the day over

Some days, for all our good intentions, seem to go sour from the start. Maybe we're tired or feeling ill or preoccupied with a problem that seems insurmountable. Maybe we just got up on the wrong side of the bed.

Living one day at a time means getting the most we can out of today. It also means we know today does not have to doom or dictate tomorrow. If we have a bad day today, that's all it is - a bad day. It does not mean we're bad or that the world is against us or that we might as well give in to our worst attitudes and behaviors since nothing is going right anyway. And it does not mean tomorrow will be a bad day, too.

Making progress

Thought for the Day

Instead of pretending to be perfectionists, in A.A. we are content if we are making progress. The main thing is to be growing. We realize that perfectionism is only a result of false pride and an excuse to save our faces. In A.A. we are willing to make mistakes and to stumble, provided we are always stumbling forward. We are not so interested in what we are as in what we are becoming. We are on the way, not at the goal. And we will be on the way as long as we live. No A.A. has ever "arrived." But we are getting better. Am I making progress?

Meditation for the Day

Happiness is a decision

We came into this program desperate for help and perhaps solace too. We were more painful than most. Seeing all the smiles and hearing the laughter of the women and men at the meetings convinced us we were right! Fortunately, we have stuck around long enough to understand where their smiles and laughter are coming from.

The Twelve Steps are suggestions for living one day at a time. When we let the Steps guide our thinking and our actions, we discover that life doesn't have to be painful.

Faith

"We had seen spiritual release, but liked to tell ourselves it wasn't true. Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself."
c. 1976 AAWS Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 55
Thought to Consider . . .

Faith is putting all your eggs in God's basket, then counting your blessings before they hatch.
AACRONYMS
F E A R
Failure Expected And Received

Pride

Reflection For The Day
Those whom I most respect in The Program — and, in turn, those from whom I’ve learned the most — seem convinced that pride is, as one person put it, the “root-sin.” In moral theology, pride is the first of the seven deadly sins. It is also considered the most serious, standing apart from the rest by virtue of its unique quality, Pride gets right into our spiritual victories. It insinuates itself into all our successes and accomplishments, even when we attribute them to God. Do I struggle against pride by working the Tenth Step regularly, facing myself freshly and making things right where they’ve gone wrong?
Today I Pray

Anxiety about Change

When we find ourselves going through any kind of change in our lives, our natural response may be to tense up on the physical, mental, or emotional level. We may not even notice that we have braced ourselves against a shift until we recognize the anxiety, mood swings, or general worried feeling toward the unknown that usually results. There are positive ways to move through change without pushing it away, however, or attempting to deny that it is happening. Since change will occur in almost every aspect of our lives, we can learn to make our response to it an affirmative one of anticipation, welcoming the new while releasing the past with grace.

One thing we can do is change our perspective by changing the labels we use to identify our feelings. We can reinterpret feelings of anxiety as the anxious butterflies that come with eager expectation. With this shift, we begin to look for the good that is on its way to us.

God Is Here

The Power, which restores us to sanity, is not something remote and abstract, which we must search for by reading books and performing great feats. Our Higher Power is with us constantly and is involved in the minute details of every day. We do not have to wait and work to become acceptable to God. God accepts us now, just as we are.

What gets in the way of our awareness of God is self. If we are narrowly focused on the concerns of ego and self-will, we ignore the presence of a Higher Power. Then we become weak and confused in our aloneness.

Grudge

When we are locked within negative, hostile thinking patterns, we go around in mental circles. What seems perfectly rational to us at the time looks misguided and blind when we look back. Carrying a grudge or a desire to get even with someone is a cancer inside us. It belittles us and holds back our spirit.

We break through our mental circles by revealing our anger to others. We talk with other recovering men (women) and let them know the details of our resentments. We listen to their experiences and apply them in our program.

Accepting Our Feelings

Why do we struggle so with our feelings? Why do we work so hard to deny our emotions, especially concerning other people? They are only feelings!

In the course of a day, we may deny we feel frustrated in reaction to someone who is selling us a service.

We may deny that we feel frustrated, angry, or hurt in reaction to a friend.

We may deny feelings of fear, or anger, toward our children.

We may deny a whole range of feelings toward our spouse or the person with whom we're in a love relationship.

We may deny feelings provoked by people we work for, or by people who work for us.

Trust

If we put a blindfold over our eyes and begin to walk around an open field, we would feel unsure with each step. We might be afraid of falling, afraid of walking over some unseen edge and hurting ourselves.

When any of us face something and we don't know what the outcome will be, we often feel blindfolded. We fear we may get hurt. We fear we can't do it. We have a hard time trusting ourselves. A blind person often finds help or guidance from others, or will gain confidence by walking on - slowly at first, finding trust and sureness with each step.

Acceptance frees us

Conflict can result from trying to change a person or situation that we don't like. And conflict causes stress and agitation, both of which limit our lives. They steal our ability to be open to opportunities for growth and change.

Why is it so hard to accept situations we don't like? Twelve Step programs tell us it's because of our ego. We feel diminished when others don't agree with our plan or our opinion. Our self-worth is tied to other people's reactions.

But we can change. We can let the success stories we hear in this program inspire us to let others be.

OVERCOMING LONELINESS

Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn't quite belong. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 90

The agonies and the void that I often felt inside occur less and less frequently in my life today. I have learned to cope with solitude. It is only when I am alone and calm that I am able to communicate with God, for He cannot reach me when I am in turmoil.

Results of Prayer

"As the doubter tries the process of prayer, he should begin to add up the results. If he persists, he will almost surely find more serenity, more tolerance, less fear, and less anger. He will acquire a quiet courage, the kind that isn't tension-ridden.

He can look at "failure" and "success" for what these really are. Problems and calamity will begin to mean his instruction, instead of his destruction.
 
He will feel freer and saner. The idea that he may have been hypnotizing himself by auto-suggestion will become laughable.

Happiness

Happiness is a gift that accompanies every instance of our lives if we approach each situation with gratitude, knowing that what's offered to us is special to our particular needs. The experiences we meet day to day are honing our Spirit, tempering our hard edges. For these we should offer gratitude.

Our well-being is the gift. Deciding what will make us happy, in fact, what we must have to be happy, prevents us from grasping the unexpected pleasure of the "chance" events of the moment. When we intently look for what we think we need, we may well be blind to more beneficial opportunities God has chosen for us.

Hardships

" But you don't understand!" we spluttered, trying to cover up. "I'm different! I've really got it rough!" We used these lines over and over in our active addiction, either trying to escape the consequences of our actions or avoid following the rules that applied to everyone else. We may have cried them at our first meeting. Perhaps we've even caught ourselves whining them recently.

So many of us feel different or unique. As addicts, we can use almost anything to alienate ourselves. But there's no excuse for missing out on recovery, nothing that can make us ineligible for the program,not a life-threatening illness, not poverty, not anything. There are thousands of addicts who have found recovery despite the real hardships they've faced. Through working the program, their spiritual awareness has grown, in spite of or perhaps in response to those hardships.

Freedom to choose

How awesome is our power, personally, to choose our attitudes and our responses to any situation, to every situation. We will feel only how we choose to feel, no matter the circumstance. Happiness is as free an option as sorrow.

Perceiving our challenges as opportunities for positive growth rather than stumbling blocks in our path to success is a choice readily available. What is inevitable - a matter over which we have no choice - is that difficult times, painful experiences will visit us. We can, however, greet them like welcome guests, celebrating their blessings on us and the personal growth they inspire.

Letting Our Anger Out

 Regardless of what we learned as children, no matter what we saw role modeled, we can learn to deal with our anger in ways that are healthy for us and for those around us. We can have our angry feelings. We can connect with them, own them, and feel them, express them, release them, and be done with them.

We can learn to listen to what anger is telling us about what we want and need in order to take care of ourselves.

Sometimes we can even indulge in angry feelings that aren't justified. Feelings are just feelings; there is no morality in the feeling, only in our behavior.

Communication

Communication is much more than words. Words are merely fingers pointing the direction to understanding - they are not understanding itself. To really communicate with someone, we have to allow ourselves, just for a moment, to become that other person. When we do this, we begin to be able to see beyond the masks that hide what another person is really feeling.

When we take the time to really see others, we may discover they are frightened, timid people longing for understanding.

See the good

Thought for the Day

A better way than judging people is to look for all the good in them. If you look hard enough and long enough, you ought to be able to find some good in every person. In A.A. I learned that my job was to try to bring out the good, not criticize the bad. Every alcoholic is used to being judged and criticized. That has never helped anyone to get sober. In A.A. we tell people they can change. We try to bring out the best in them. We encourage their good points and ignore their bad points. People are not converted by criticism. Do I look for the good in people?

Meditation for the Day

Getting to know ourself

We are getting to know ourselves each day. We have learned some very important things about ourselves since the day we started our recovery. Most of us began learning by admitting our addiction or codependency. We saw how loyal we had become to a substance or a behavior. What seemed normal to us was actually distorted and unhealthy living. We didn't understand why we felt so confused and upset. Perhaps we didn't know what we were running to, or from.

Until we were faced with our powerlessness we couldn't know ourselves. We could not feel our void or pain until we had relinquished our old ways. We now can see our motives more clearly. When we have come face to face with ourselves, surrendered and stopped running, nothing else ever need be so frightening again.

I will let myself know where I am going today.
 

From Touchstones

“My Declaration of Self-Esteem:

Feeling special, feeling worthy and unique in the contribution we make to our surroundings is perhaps not a very familiar feeling to many of us in this recovery program. We may have recognized our differences from others, but not in a positive way. We may well have figured that to be our problem. “If only I were more like her…” To celebrate our specialness, the unique contribution we make to every situation we experience, is one of the gifts of recovery.

It’s spiritually moving to realize the truth of our authenticity. To realize that no other choice will ever be just like our choice—to realize that no other contribution will be just like our contribution. Our gift to life is ourselves. Life’s gift to us is the opportunity to realize our value.

TODAY, I WILL BE AWARE OF MY GIFTS, I WILL OFFER THEM AND RECEIVE THEM THANKFULLY.

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

Blessings

Every day we take so much for granted. But we can count certain blessings: a roof over our head, food, clothing, family and friend, freedom, a Higher Power we trust. These things are special. Thinking about them wakes up our happiness. Our recovery program shows us how to be happy. We just have to remember to do what it tells us!

Step Ten helps us wake up our happiness. Each evening, as we think about our day, we can give thanks for the things we love; our recovery, our health, and the special people in our lives.

Taking Care of Ourselves

Letting go of faulty thinking means we realize there are no knights on white horses, no magical grandmothers in the sky watching, waiting to rescue us.

Teachers may come our way, but they will not rescue. They will teach. People who care will come, but they will not rescue. They will care. Help will come, but help is not rescuing.

We are our own rescuers.

Today

"I realize that all I'm guaranteed in life is today. The poorest person has no less and the wealthiest has no more - each of us has but one day. What we do with it is our own business; how we use it is up to us individually.
 
I feel that I have been restored to health and sanity these past years not through my own efforts nor as a result of anything I may have done, but because I've come to believe - to really believe - that alone I can do nothing.
 
That my own innate selfishness and stubbornness are the evils which, if left unguarded, can drive me to alcohol. I have come to believe that my illness is spiritual as well as physical and mental, and I know that for help in the spiritual sphere I have to turn to a Higher Power."c. 1976 AAWS
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 473

Greater than Ourselves

"If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried.
 
 We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the power needed for change wasn't there.
 
Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. Lack of power: That was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live - and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves."ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 44-45
AS BILL SEES IT

SELF-ACCEPTANCE

We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105

I pray for the willingness to remember that I am a child of God, a divine soul in human form, and that my most basic and urgent life-task is to accept, know, love and nurture myself. As I accept myself, I am accepting God's will. As I know and love myself, I am knowing and loving God. As I nurture myself I am acting on God's guidance. I pray for the willingness to let go of my arrogant self-criticism, and to praise God by humbly accepting and caring for myself.
Copyright 1990
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.

There is no right way to pray

Prayer is not a requirement of Twelve Step programs. ( AA, Al-Anon)  In fact, the program has no requirements. It has only suggestions that if followed will change how we see our experiences. This, in turn, mysteriously changes our very experiences. One suggestion is that we seek, through prayer and meditation, to know God and God's will for us.

The idea of prayer scares some of us initially. It seems religious. However, we learn from other people, if we're open to their words, that the program is not religious but spiritual. This means that we can expect help from a Power who wants to safeguard our lives. All we have to do is let that Power in, using any method that feels comfortable.

Red Flags

From: "The Perpetual Quest"

Many years later, although alcohol is not part of my life and I no longer have the compulsion to drink, it can still occur to me what a good drink tastes like and what it can do for me, from my stand-at-attention alcoholic taste buds right down to my stretched out tingling toes.

As my sponsor used to point out, such thoughts are like red flags, telling me that something is not right, that I am stretched beyond my sober limit. It's time to get back to basic A.A. and see what needs changing.
 
That special relationship with alcohol will always be there, waiting to seduce me again. I can stay protected by continuing to be an active member of A.A.

2001 AAWS Inc.
Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 396-397

Tolerance Keeps Us Sober

"Honesty with ourselves and others gets us sober, but it is tolerance that keeps us that way."

"Experience shows that few alcoholics will long stay away from a group just because they don't like the way it is run. Most return and adjust themselves to whatever conditions they must. Some go to a different group, or form a new one. "In other words, once an alcoholic fully realizes that he cannot get well alone, he will somehow find a way to get well and stay well in the company of others. It has been that way from the beginning of A.A. and probably always will be so."
LETTER, 1943

In the Sunlight at Last

"When the thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me, I didn't like the idea. So my friend Ebby made what then seemed a novel suggestion. He said, 'Why don't you choose your own conception of God?' That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last."

"It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and how."

1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 12
2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 45

Growth

"It seems to me that the primary object of any human being is to grow, as God intended, that being the nature of all growing things. Our search must be for what reality we can find, which includes the best definition and feeling of love that we can acquire. If the capability of loving is in the human being, then it must surely be in his Creator. Theology helps me in that many of its concepts cause me to believe that I live in a rational universe under a loving God, and that my own irrationality can be chipped away, little by little. This is, I suppose, the process of growth for which we are intended."
Bill W., Letter,  1958
c. 1967 AAWS, As Bill Sees It, p. 295

Thought to Consider . . .

             All you have to do to change your life is change your mind.

AACRONYMS
WHO ME?
Willingness, Honesty,
Open-mindedness, Must Exist

Less negative and more positive

Thought for the Day

I have learned to be less negative and more positive. I used to take a negative view of almost everything. Most people, in my estimation, were bluffing. There seemed to be very little good in the world, but lots of hypocrisy and sham. People could not be trusted. They would "take you" if they could. All churchgoers were partly hypocrites. It seemed I should take everything "with a grain of salt." That was my general attitude toward life. Now I am more positive. I believe in people and in their capabilities. There is much love and truth and honesty in the world. I try not to run people down. Life now seems worthwhile and it is good to live. Am I less negative and more positive?

Meditation for the Day

True to Ourselves

To thine own self be true. A grounding statement for those of us who get caught up in the storm of needs and feelings of others.

Listen to the self. What do we need? Are those needs getting met? What do we feel? What do we need to do to take care of our feelings? What are our feelings telling us about ourselves and the direction we need to go?

What do we want to do or say? What are our instincts telling us? Trust them - even if they don't make sense or meet other people's rules and expectations.

Sometimes, the demands of other people and our confused expectations of ourselves - the messages about our responsibilities toward others - can create a tremendous, complicated mess.

Inferiority complex

Thought for the Day

I have lost much of my inferiority complex. I was always trying to escape from life. I did not want to face reality. I was full of self-pity. I was constantly sorry for myself. I tried to avoid all responsibilities. I did not feel that I would handle the responsibilities of my family or my work. Owing to my inferiority complex, I was eager to be free of all responsibilities. I wanted to drift; I wanted to be "on the beach." A.A. showed me how to get over my feeling of inferiority. It made me want to accept responsibility again. Have I lost my inferiority complex?

Meditation for the Day

First Things First - Order

Busy people often declare, with some exasperation, that they cannot do everything at once. People with emotional problems, a group that includes many alcoholics, often feel that they are trying to do everything at once. Quite often, this pressure means that we waste our time fretting about all the things facing us, becoming totally ineffective as a result.

The simple slogan "First things first" shows us how to set priorities in an orderly way. In every situation or problem, there is always one step we can take that is more important than the others. Following that, we find a step of second importance, another of third importance, and so on. Sometimes, a certain action comes first simply because other things depend on it.

I am still willing to learn

For most of us the struggle was long, painful and lonely to the place where we are now. But survive we have, and survive we will. The times we thought we could go no further are only dimly recalled. The experiences we were certain would destroy us fit ever so neatly into our book of memories.

We have survived, and the program is offering us the means for continued survival. Step-by-Step we are learning to handle our problems, build relationships based on honesty, and choose responsible behavior. We are promised serenity if we follow the Steps.

Gratitude for our survival is best expressed by working the program, setting an example for others, helping those women who haven't yet attained victory. We must give away what we have learned to make way for our own new growth.

Relationships

Sometimes the gift is a behavior we're learning to acquire: detachment, self esteem, becoming confident enough to set a boundary, or owning our power in another way.

Some relationships trigger healing in us - healing from issues of the past or an issue we're facing today.

Sometimes we find ourselves learning the most important lessons from the people we least expect to help us. Relationships may teach us about loving ourselves or someone else. Or maybe we'll learn to let others love us.

Resentments

Thought for the Day

I have lost many of my resentments. I have found that getting even with people doesn't do any good. When we try to get revenge, instead of making us feel better, it leaves us frustrated and cheated. Instead of punishing our enemies, we've only hurt our own peace of mind. It does not pay to nurse a grudge; it hurts us more than anyone else. Hate causes frustration, inner conflict, and neurosis. If we give out hate, we will become hateful. If we are resentful, we will be resented. If we do not like people, people will not like us. Revengefulness is a powerful poison in our systems. Have I lost my resentments?

Meditation for the Day

Where is God ?

AA members have always had a difficult time explaining the "God business." We didn't want to be considered religious, but at the same time we've always believed some contact with a Higher Power is necessary for real personal growth.

There's nothing wrong – for our purposes – in simply visualizing God as a Higher Power that has always been within us and around us. "Before they call, I will answer," goes an old saying, and that was true even in our darkest days. Many of us can look back to realize that a certain force was moving us toward recovery long before we knew we needed any recovery. Many of us also believe that a Higher Power helped bring AA into being and move it along to become a worldwide force for good.