|Click to Read|
Donna S grateful Alcoholic from NJ
Starting back with Step 6.... I reailzed that if I didn't have a good connection with a higher power that I would have trouble with Step 6, 7, 8, & 9 which I did the first time I did the Step work. I didn't really get Step 3 so my 4th & 5th were half heartily, so when I got to Step 6 the second time I redid my steps, I understood I had to Pray again for more willingness. That's all I had to do and look at the defects I had which I found in my 4th step. By now I basically knew which defects were very troublesome . I KNEW if I continued with those defects I WAS going to drink , as I almost did, as i have mentioned many times in here. I found I had to have a total willingness to let them go in Step7. I had to ask my Higher Power to take them from me.... meaning I had to LET THEM GO.
Not say take this one and that one but to take them all and take the Action on my part not to let then pop up. But I am human and they do pop up, but not like they did. There are some I still work on everyday. They pop their ugly head up and wham I am faced with them and shake my head and say GOD HELP ME please. It is all a process like anything in life, but i must be totally willing to work on them everyday , through out they day. It has gotten so much better due the fact I don't want to be who I was . I see them when they pop up which is progress in it self as before i didn't see them, I only saw yours. I found to, my Higher Power forgives me, He loves me and knows my heart today.
When I got to Step 8 , again I had to become willing to look at the list of people who I harmed. A lot of willingness , if u noticed meaning again, Honest, Willingness and Action. In my addiction I did a lot damage. I hurt so many people...although I didn't think I was hurting any one but myself. How selfish I was, how unloving, uncaring ,and thoughtlessness, honestly I didn't care all. All I cared about was myself, me, me, me. In this process of the Step's, I am learning I have to undo all the wreckage I did and become responsible. I have to face it and be free of it and work on not making the same mistakes. This all takes time... I really had to pray in Step 8 for the willingness to do make the amends to a few people I knew I hurt so badly. To do so like it said , without hurting them further and just because I make an amends don't mean they will forgive me. I have to not have any expectations and just because they say they forgive me...it takes TIME for it to work out, especially with my husband and sons. It just didn't be OK , they had to see over time I wasn't who I was. Words I found mean nothing, action means a lot, it works because I am proof...I am free of so many defects, so many amends over time. Some more amends have reared up and I know it is time to make them. I didn't run out and make them all as some I couldn't,
I wasnt ready, but God, my Higher power shows me.