“When we see how our defects exist in our lives and accept them, we can let go of them and get on with our new life.”
Basic Text, p. 35
Sometimes our readiness to have our character defects removed depends on what we call them. If misnaming our defects makes them seem less “defective,” we may be unable to see the damage they cause. And if they seem to be causing no harm, why would we ever ask our Higher Power to remove them from our lives?
Take “people pleasing,” for example. Doesn’t really sound all that bad, does it? It just means we’re nice to people, right? Not quite. To put it bluntly, it means we’re dishonest and manipulative. We lie about our feelings, our beliefs, and our needs, trying to soothe others into compliance with our wishes.
Or perhaps we think we’re “easygoing.” But does “easygoing” mean we ignore our housework, avoid confrontations, and stay put in a comfortable rut? Then a better name for it would be “laziness,” or “procrastination,” or “fear.”
Many of us have trouble identifying our character defects. If this is the case for us, we can talk with our sponsor or our NA friends. We clearly and honestly describe our behavior to them and ask for their help in identifying our defects. As time passes, we’ll become progressively better able to identify our own character defects, calling them by their true names.
Just for today: I will call my defects by their true names. If I have trouble doing this, I will ask my sponsor for help.