Chapter 5 How It works -pg 67-68 - FEAR

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Donna S grateful alcoholic from NJ

When I got to this part of the 4th step I was like, I KNOW THIS,
I LIVE IN IT.
Fear froze me for a very long time and drinking helped me to not have fear
so it was a reason to drink, as I can do anything with a drink.
I was in so much fear I couldn't talk to people with out a drink.
I couldn't walk the dog with out a drink or go to the park with my kids with
out a 6 pack and bottle of J.D. and then I was miss chatty,OVER CHATTY

Over time we stopped going out as I couldn't handle my drinking. I would be brought home by the police, which wasn't good as we were in politics in town.
So I drank at home, only going out to go to get my beer and J.D.

Chapter 5 How it Works- page 63-67 Resentments

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Donna S. grateful alcoholic

When I first was introduced to the step 4 I was clueless and my sponsor was even more clueless. She read the big book to me ...Step 4
and then handed me a bunch of work sheets and said fill them out
no direction, no if u have a problem ask. I coped a resentment lol

SO I eventually asked someone I saw change and she mentioned she did the steps over and would take me threw. We read this part of the big book and she told me to write out all the people, institutions and principles I knew.

I went down my list of people and wrote thier name ,then the cause of why I was resentful in 7 words or less ,that when we did the 5th step I could get more into detail. Then what it effected, Self-esteem (fear), Security, Our Ambitions, Personal relationships, pocketbook, Sex relations, or pride.

Chapter 2 THERE IS A SOLUTION

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Hello everyone Donna S grateful alcoholic from NJ

I love this Chapter, as it tells me..a hopeless alcoholic, that there IS a solution.

It is here in the big book that tells me I am not alone and there are others like me...and they have found that solution and are here to help me.
Not yell at me or tell me I am no good and i dont care or I ruin everything
or I will never amount to anything. They are here to tell me it is OK, weve been in your shoes and we found a way out. You don't ever have to drink again, if you are willing to grow along spiritual lines with the 12 Steps.

The Meeting-by Bill Wilson

Bill Wilson Meets Dr. Bob Smith and Alcoholics Anonymous is born. Narrated by Bill Wilson

Diary of Two Motorcycle Hobos

By Lois Wilson

Introduction

Bill and I were married during World War I, and after he returned from France, he wasn't sure in what field of endeavor he wanted to earn his living.  He had taken an electrical engineering course at Norwich University, a military college in Vermont, but, because of the war, did not graduate.  His grandfather, with whom he lived after the divorce of his mother and father, wanted him to become a lawyer.

So, after a succession of unsatisfactory jobs, either to him or to his boss, and while employed by the United States Fidelity and Guaranty Co., he took a night law course at the Brooklyn Law School.  His job as investigator of theft had shown him much of the seamy side of the law and dissuaded him from becoming a lawyer.  He finished the law course, however, and paid for his diploma, but never bothered to pick it up.

He had been interested for some time in the stock market, and in why people buy into companies that they know nothing about, gambling with stocks as they would with chips in a Casino.  Would it not be much safer and surer if investors knew something about the companies into which they were buying?

When his grandfather wanted to purchase a cow, he went to look at the cow, feel its legs, inquire about how much milk it gave, its age and forebears, etc.  Why shouldn't this same principle be applied to the buying of stocks?

Feeling he was just the man to do the investigating, Bill consulted with several friends on Wall Street, but, finding no one enthusiastic about his ideas, and knowing the proof of the pudding is in the eating, he decided to take a year out to test his theory.

90 Days

HI my name is Donna and I am an alcoholic

I started using at a very young age. Drinking just seemed a way of life from early on. It took me out of ME. I was afraid of my own shadow all my life. Alcohol and drugs made me feel like I was someone. Little did I realize it just robbed me from living. I was a people pleaser all my life, always in fear of not being accepted. I was robbed of my childhood at an early age and just never seemed to fit in anywhere. All I ever wanted was to be loved but at the same time I wanted to be left alone. Depression and suicide played on my mind a lot . My first attempt at suicide was in 6th grade with a plastic knife. All that got me was a trip to Gray Stone ( State mental Hospital) for over night.

3 years

Why I Got Sober On 1/30/99


Hi my name is DonnaS. and I am an Alcoholic,

I got Sober on 1/30/99 as I was sick and tired of being so sick and tired!.
I didn't want to live, but I no longer wanted to die.
I had first come into the rooms of AA in 1987 , but I came in for all the wrong reasons.
MY husband was  going to leave me and take our 2 sons. He told me either I go to rehab and get help or he and the kids were gone. So I went to a rehab and went to meetings but..
I didn't want what you people had. I had reservations and ended up going back to drugs at first, thinking it was ok, as I was an Alcoholic not a druggie, little did I know soon I was drinking again.
In that time I was out there, I overdosed 2 times, but I still was not ready to surrender to this disease. It took me many years before I finally had enough.

MY Share on THERE IS A SOLUTION- page 23-29-

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Donna S. grateful alcoholic,

What stuck out for me was ...HOPE. There's hope for me to not pick up that first drink, hope for a better way of living then the way i was. I was a dry drunk for a 4 years back in 1987. I know that feeling of doom when u stop drinking. I had no tools or design for living. I mean it was there , I went to meetings and  rehab but i didn't want them. I lived in the insanity, mental torture in my head waiting it out till i could drink again. Thinking this time I will be ok, I wont drink like i did before, that i could handle it this time.

As we are changed by our experiences

. . . that is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you've understood all your life, but in a new way.
—Doris Lessing

As we are changed by our experiences, that which we know also changes. Our experiences foster growth and enlightenment, and all awarenesses give way to new understandings. We are forever students of life blessed with particular lessons designed only for us. There is joy in knowing that learning has no end and that each day offers us a chance to move closer to becoming the persons we are meant to be.

Choosing Love and Life

  

 There are plenty of times in life when we would rather not have to make decisions; the alternatives are too painful or the responsibilities too heavy. In such situations we may procrastinate or become very passive, but there is still choices that we make. To "decide not to decided" is still a decision. We might adopt rigid institutional values, adhere to frozen policies, or even join cults to avoid the responsibilities that come with making our own choices, but avoiding responsibility is also a choice. Freedom and responsibility are perfect boomerangs; they keep coming back to us no matter how or where we try to throw them away. The one thing we are never free to choose is choicelessness.

Firing your old God

 One day I heard a new man in the program talking to an old-timer about the Third Step. The new man said, " No way I'm going to turn my life over to God. He'd ruin me-and I deserve it." He went on to say that for him God was a giant policeman.
  The old-timer, a strong quiet man, listened to the new man's description of God and then said, " You ought to fire that God. You've got the wrong God for this program, friend. The God who operates here is loving, forgiving and always be there for you. I had a God like yours when I first came in here, but I had to fire him and get me a new God."
  All my theological buzzers went off. I thoughts, "Fire God... We're dealing with Ultimate Reality here, friends. You just can't fire God and get a new one."

Constructive Anger- and my share

Living in a relationship with other people means that we will experience seasons of anger. Anger is a normal human emotion. It is an unavoidable ingredient of any fellowship.

Unfortunately, for most of us anger is a problem. We know that anger can lead to destructive behaviors. Some of us have been on the receiving end of verbal and physical attacks from an angry person. And some of us have lashed out at others with our anger. So we fear anger because we have seen the destruction which results when anger leads to sin. We have seen how anger can damage relationships and lead to loneliness.

CHARACTER BUILDING

Demands made upon other people for too
much attention, protection, and
love can only invite domination or revulsion. . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 44

When I uncovered my need for approval in the Fourth Step,
I didn't think it should rank as a character defect.
I wanted to think of it more as an asset
(that is, the desire to please people).
It was quickly pointed out to me
that this "need" can be very crippling.

Came to Believe in a power greater than myself

 

"A.A. is a spiritual program and a spiritual way of life. Even the first half of the First Step, 'We admitted we were powerless over alcohol,' is a spiritual experience. An A.A. member needs more than physical capabilities; he needs to use his full faculties as a human being to hear the message, to think about it, to review the effects of the past, to realize, to admit, and to accept. These processes are activities of the mind, which is part of the spirit."

Topics-Unity and Attitude-my share

Hello Donna S grateful alcoholic from NJ

Tradition One—“Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity."

With out unity I would be drunk or dead.
I found out I cant do this alone and I need the fellowship.
I need others to help me when i am lost, not sure, feeling alone,have a question, and to help me grow along spiritual lines.
Attitude is a biggy and I always had a crumby attitude. I saw black never white.
One of the things i was told was lose the attitude
when i first came in i went to rehab and after a while we had to fill out these ditto sheets about the other people in room