One day I heard a new man in the program talking to an old-timer about the Third Step. The new man said, " No way I'm going to turn my life over to God. He'd ruin me-and I deserve it." He went on to say that for him God was a giant policeman.
The old-timer, a strong quiet man, listened to the new man's description of God and then said, " You ought to fire that God. You've got the wrong God for this program, friend. The God who operates here is loving, forgiving and always be there for you. I had a God like yours when I first came in here, but I had to fire him and get me a new God."
All my theological buzzers went off. I thoughts, "Fire God... We're dealing with Ultimate Reality here, friends. You just can't fire God and get a new one."
But soon i realized that after thirty years of being a Christian speaker, theology student and a writer about God, I needed to do exactly what that man had suggested.I needed to fire God. At least, I needed to fire my concept of God who promises he will be with you and then really does't come when you count on him. I needed to fire God who says he loves you but is gone out of town or to tired to show up and teach you how to grow up.
No wonder I didn't want to turn my life and will over to God, because that was my unconscious image of God- a picture of my unavailable human father. So I fired that God who was made in the image of my father and decided to believe in the God I saw living in the lives of recovering people in the Twelve-Step program, a God who operated exactly like the God of Jesus Christ in the bible.
God, I know my image of you is damaged and incomplete. Help me to experience the true You.
Step 3- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
I didn't fully understand Step 3 till i went back threw this Step with my new sponsor end of my 5th year, I think it was (bad memory)
I thought I had a HP in my life those first 5 years as I did listen in meetings and to others who would share on it. The suggested to throw out the old idea's about God that i had and try to accept a new understanding of God.
Hmmm....How can I let God of my unerstand run my life if I didnt understand who He was ? I am slow with a lot things which use to really bother me
and I would just pretend I understood it, but I want to learn today and I have the willingness. I read the 3rd Step and I also read it in my recovery bible. Which broke things down and I started to understand .
I saw I had to STOP running the show and I had to get rid of my old way of thinking. I become more willing to let God do for me what I couldn't do alone. I had to make that decision to let Him in and then take the action needed to move forwards. I felt a great lifting of the hopeless and depression that had surrounded my being for so many years.
My sponsor had me memorize the 3rd step prayer and I say that every morning and some times threw out the day. My Dr. broke it down for me and wow, how powerful this prayer really is. It was suggested to say it slowly...hear what It says and practice it in my life. It is one of my favorite prayers.
When in doubt or when I fall short I find that, He forgives me and guides my heart to the right direction.
I thank God each morning and through out the day. I dont want to have a life run on self-will anymore.
To find this new life of sobriety, I had only to be willing to change. God was waiting for me to trust him, he smooths my way each day.
The God of my understanding wants only the best for me, I must listen and let the miracle of His love shine in my life.
I LOVE U ALL
- A.A. Big Book p.63