I started a Web Site in 1999 when I came back into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. Tripod decided to block me a few years ago , so I stopped writing, posting. SO I decided to take the posts I had there and put them here. Plus new ones I found on the net and shares of my own. Take what you need and pass on the rest! Blessings ds♥

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Chapter 5 How it Works- page 63-67 Resentments

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Donna S. grateful alcoholic

When I first was introduced to the step 4 I was clueless and my sponsor was even more clueless. She read the big book to me ...Step 4
and then handed me a bunch of work sheets and said fill them out
no direction, no if u have a problem ask. I coped a resentment lol

SO I eventually asked someone I saw change and she mentioned she did the steps over and would take me threw. We read this part of the big book and she told me to write out all the people, institutions and principles I knew.

I went down my list of people and wrote thier name ,then the cause of why I was resentful in 7 words or less ,that when we did the 5th step I could get more into detail. Then what it effected, Self-esteem (fear), Security, Our Ambitions, Personal relationships, pocketbook, Sex relations, or pride.

I had a lot of resentments the first one at age 5,which lead me to feel angry, alone, frightened, and very fearful. But it was the first of many, many more which made me grow more angry with people places and things over my life
which blocked me from the sunlight. It scared me, it damaged my relationships with people and I never saw my part. I always saw your part.

Writing it all out wasn't easy, as it brought up so much from my past but I was told...this WILL set you free as you get further into the rest of the steps. You will feel better over time knowing you finally learn to let it go. I trusted this person and what she said and I SAW how she changed as i knew her for the 6 years before I redid the steps.

I said i was so badly hurt so full of anger i was told to work on it at least 1 hour a day and if it was too much break it up and do 1 to 3 names and stop and call to make sure I was doing it right.

Then came the 4th column, "Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes"
I asked a lot questions in this part as I got confussed on, "Where had we been
selfish? Dishonest? Self-seeking? Frightened? Which of the above character defects caused me to do what I did, or cause me to want to hold on to an old resentment even though I may have done nothing to cause it? Was it Pride? Anger? Greed? Gluttony? Lust? Envy? Sloth? "

I saw that Pride was a biggy. I didnt know what that word ment til i had to look it up and she read a few of her turn arounds to me after a while to give me a better understanding. I began to really understand and I went at it I NEVER ever saw my part before but now, here it was in black and white. I saw all my doings. Amazing when you do this and see your part.

I didnt want to have all these resentments any more. I wanted a life free of them and this was what I was told to do ...here it was in the big book, in black and white how to do it and with the help of a sponsor who already went through it who was able to help me. 

FINALLY I was on the raod to being a healther person.

I was honest about all I wrote....and then I was ready and will to move on to the next pat part.


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